The other day my friend and I were talking about trust. Naturally, this was in regards to trusting Angel but I suppose it could really apply to anyone – friend, family, lover.
I told her that I was having a hard time trusting Angel and it was really bothering me. I felt like I thought I should be able to give him some basic level of trust and then build on that trust as we get to know each other better. In order words, I should at least have enough trust in him that I believe him when he says he is going to do something and generally believe that what he says to me is truthful until proven otherwise. For example, shouldnt I trust that he will call when he says he will call? Now, if he consistently says he is going to call and doesnt… then ok… he has proven he is not trustworthy. Instead, a large part of me is waiting for him to totally screw me over. Active distrust is warring with my basic belief of the goodness of people.
My friend thinks that I shouldnt trust him at all until he has proven himself. Trust is earned and only achieved over time in a relationship.
How can you build a relationship if you don’t trust a person? Earning trust makes it seem like the person is in the hole and needs to dig themselves out of the hole first. I suppose my argument makes it sound like the person is in the positive right from the start but that is not how I meant it. I meant that I feel like the person should be starting at zero. You shouldn’t be distrusting him but neither should you start off trusting him with your innermost secrets.
*sigh* And once again, my previous relationship is impacting my current attempts at building a relationship. I am essentially expecting Angel to treat me like he did. Upon reflection, Leonardo wasnt that trustworthy although I continued to trust him a fair bit despite that. The trust did lessen throughout the relationship to the point where I was trying to trust him because I loved him and I wanted to trust him and not trusting him because experience taught me that he could not be trusted to keep his word. Sort of hoping that he could be trusted but not surprised when he couldnt be. Boy, reflection makes you wonder why you kept going. I could certainly relate to Angie’s comments in her blog about hanging on (http://spaces.msn.com/members/SeeLifeForWhatItis/Blog/cns!1pt2x7a8K93YFSAwOiRs1pLQ!106.entry)
Last night Angel called and said he would call when he arrived in Texas – either Saturday or Sunday. So I am going to try to just believe that and look forward to hearing from him. I am sure he will be totally excited about arriving and getting the keys to his new place. He said he was living on the beach which sounds totally divine. I can’t wait to see it!
And on a totally unrelated topic…. I think I failed the picture test with Derrick. Since he sent his pic to me, I felt like I should send him my pic, so I did. I haven’t heard from him since. Now of course he could be travelling or sick or whatever but he has been pretty consistent about emailing once a day. Such is life…
And there is a good sign about how you feel about someone… Are you upset that the person has disappeared? If you aren’t… well you know the fire wasn’t there… or at the very least didnt get a chance to develop.