I had thought that I could be totally honest and name all the men in my life but sadly there are a few relationships that nobody can know about. So Mr. Prickly and Mr. Impossible will remain nameless and pictureless.
I went away for work for the weekend. I was looking forward to it because I was going to reconnect with Mr. Prickly and meet Mr. Impossible for the first time.
I will call one Mr. Prickly because on the phone and in IM, he is very flirtacious and open but in person he almost always feels prickly. Interestingly enough, despite the new single status of Mr. Prickly, he didnt want to spend time with me after having said he wanted to. I was moderately disappointed because I do like Mr. Prickly and he can snuggle quite nicely while you watch a movie. I have no interest in Mr. Prickly beyond being close friends – and no, no benefits.
I will call one Mr. Impossible because I do have interest in him but I know the relationship is impossible. He is so much younger than I and lives very far from me – yes… further than Texas. It was weird meeting Mr. Impossible. We have chatted so much both personally and professionally that it was strange to meet him for the first time. The defining moments of the weekend:
1. The first time we snuggled. He is a great snuggler and it is so easy to pretend that you were with that special someone instead of someone who you have to walk away from.
2. The first time we kissed. WOW! What a great kisser. He has a girlfriend who he is very serious about although it appears that she is just the cake without the icing and he wants icing too. After my experience with Leonardo, I could not get her out of my mind. As a result, anything that went beyond kissing left me feeling… well actually feeling nothing… sort of dead in fact inside…. and feeling weird about Mr. Impossible. I think he is a nice guy but should nice guys be making out with another woman? Probably not… which then leaves me with the thought – Perhaps he’s not a nice guy? So I alternated between being attracted and feeling nothing… a weird experience.
3. The meal at Bergamo’s. The food was insanely expensive but divine. Additionally, we sat right next to the piano where the waiters/waitresses put on a show and sang to us. The songs ranged from opera to show tunes. It was awesome. I was left with the thought that I should be with someone special and not Mr. Impossible and several other people. The restaurant was incredibly romantic and I had not one person in my life to share it with. Mr. Impossible was attentive and read my mind so you could almost pretend that you were with that special someone.
4. Leaving Mr. Impossible. I didn’t want to spend the night with Mr. Impossible because I was leaving early in the morning. He was sleeping – more or less – when I left. I got to kiss him goodbye and wished him luck. It was sad to leave the room. It just reminded me of the loss that I have experienced over the last two months. How many more people do I have to learn to walk away from?
I noticed that Mr. Impossible makes me sad. He asks questions about how I get myself into these situations and about my dating life in general. I have no answers to his questions. He also makes profound statements like "You are complex. I can ask you the same question twice and I wont get the same answer because you will answer based on your feelings at that moment." Is that why guys run for the hills after they get to know me? I am too complex? How does one make themselves simple?
The other day I was thinking that I wished exit interviews existed for relationships. Dont you ever wish that you could find out what went wrong so you wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again?