The quicksands of Time

I was going to title this "The future as it stands now" except that the present is changing so fast I can barely keep up with it – let alone know what it is in my future.
Things that have happened since my last posting.
1. I responded to a friend’s email.
My friend is upset because she believes that I am repeating my previous relationship all over again.  That relationship did not end well and I needed the help of multiple friends to pick up the pieces.  She feels betrayed because she helped me pick up the pieces and feel I am going back into the same situation and she is going to have to pick up the pieces – again.  Because Angel is an atheist, she believes that he is influencing me to move away from the church and my church friends.  I think that sums up the very long email fairly quickly.
Having thought about this email for a long time, I feel like I am getting upset.  She is the kettle calling the pot black.  She left her boyfriend because she felt she was in an abusive relationship. We spent a lot of time together discussing this.  I even offered her a spot to stay when she felt like her boyfriend was stalking her.  She has decided to give this guy another chance despite admitting that he was not good for her.  He is Hindi which is certainly not Christian and might as well be atheist in the sense of religious compatibility.   I didn’t say a word when she went back with him although I did not think it was a good idea.  I even called Angel to ask his advice because he has experience with domestic violence.  I guess if you get down to brass tacks… I should also feel betrayed.  At least I am trying a new relationship and not going back to the previous bad one.  Ok… so maybe the relationship will suck… many do.. so there is a high probability that this one will too.
2. I called Angel Monday (got his VM) and he called me Tuesday.
He called me late Tuesday.  We talked for a grand total of 7 minutes before he said he was getting bad reception and he would call me back when he got home at midnight.  At 1am, I woke up, realized he didnt call and called him back to get his VM.  I left VM asking him what was up with not calling back.  If he didnt want to talk to me or I upset him… he could have just told me.  The fool that I am, I called him this morning. I wanted to try to get him before he left for work although I have no clue what his working hours are.  I got his VM and left another VM with more stuff in it. 
This is really bothering me.  This is the second phone call (of 2) in which he said he would call me back and he didnt.  I spoke for the entire 7 minutes so I suppose I must have said something to bother him.  I talked of this really nice restaurant that we went to on the weekend.  It was very romantic and I said that I wished he could be there and that I missed him.  Maybe you aren’t supposed to miss someone when you are going with the flow?  I also told him about my friend that I had met on the weekend – at his request.  Maybe he’s upset about what I said about him?  He knows that things were more friendly than friends but not anywhere as intimate as lovers or GF/BF.  He said to date/go out with other guys.  I wish I knew exactly what that meant!  Does that mean no intimacy beyond that friendly hug? kisses?  Everything but sex?
He surprised me by calling today at noon to say he couldnt talk but he would call me later tonight.  Out of my mouth slipped, "Are you sure?" because I no longer trust him to call.   He said he was sure so I said I had class tonight from 7:30 to 10:30 but he was welcome to call after that.
3.  I put off a guy from
Why? I suppose because his picture wasn’t to my fancy.  He also had a passion for cycling which I am not particularly interested in.  I could live with the passion but he sounded as if he wanted to share that passion.  Or maybe I am being too picky because I already have someone I am interested in.
4. I am actually meeting a guy from Peru.  He advertised on Craigs List for a Language Partner.  He advertised on Men looking for women and specifically wanted a female partner so I suppose he is hoping for more than tutoring.  I am always looking for ways to practise Spanish so I will meet Adolpho.  I suppose that I am open to some attraction or at least someone to hang out with.
5. I can be sure of one thing in my future… or not in my future as this case may be.  Derrick has definitely disappeared since seeing my picture.  Luckily, I wasn’t sold on him as being the next special someone so I will easily survive the disappearance.
6. I had no period – again.
Am I pregnant? Nope.  I even took a test to make sure.  I had fibroid surgery in July to remove the pesky little thing that had come back and was causing unusual and obnoxious bleeding.  Now I have the opposite problem.  I have all the symptoms of having my period except no bleeding.  I have a doctor’s appt on Tuesday.  This is weighing on my mind significantly and likely impacting how I am dealing with Angel.  I have been really concerned that these surgeries will impact my ability to have children.  I still want children should I be so lucky to find a guy to share my life with.  My doctor was quick to reassure me after the last surgery that all looked fine.  If all is fine… WHERE IS MY PERIOD????  Enquiring minds want to know.
As a side note… did you know guys lie about their AIDS testing? This is according to a guy friend of mine.  Makes you wonder how you can make a good decision to have sex without a condom.

One response to “The quicksands of Time

  1. Thanks for sharing the quote, it really opened up my eyes to some questions I’ve been asking myself.There’s a lot of emotional thinking going on in this post. Take it one thing at a time and make sure not to overwhelm yourself. Good luck with everything!~ Fat Chick

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