Mistake? or soul mate?

A couple of weeks ago, I lent my ex-husband money to pay his electric bill.  Or rather, I paid his electric bill for him with my credit card.  He said that if it didn’t get paid within 2 days, his electric would be turned off.  He assured me that I would get paid back on July 31st because he was getting rent for a new renter that he brought into the house.  So – against my better judgment – I paid it.  He hasn’t called me, emailed me or IMed me to tell me his intentions.  And if he doesn’t pay me back in the next couple of days I will be unable to put my savings aside for the month.  I can’t afford to pay off my credit card bill and put savings aside.

So… I guess I can consider this a lesson learned.  I almost never lend money to friends and family because I feel it puts unnecessary strain on the relationship.  I will definitely think twice about doing it again if he doesn’t pay me back.  I am so disappointed in him.  I trusted him to do what he said and I am wondering if once again, I have misjudged someone’s character.  How did I get to be such a bad judge of character?

Eduardo attended my church on Sunday.  After church, he asked me if anyone else had gone with me.  I said I hadn’t asked the other two guys I had dated for a variety of reasons and of course my ex-husband never attended a service – or if he did – I have subsequently forgotten about it because it was like once or twice in 7 years.  He got really upset with himself and said he was stupid for going.  I don’t understand why he thought he was stupid.  I personally thought it was a testament to his strength of character that despite the language difficulties he came to share something that is important to me.  He had no idea how much it meant to me to have him there.  And I suppose he never will because I will never be able to explain it adequately to him.

I really like Eduardo.  I think that we could have something really good between us but how do I know that I am not – once again – misjudging his character.  I am sure my bad judgment must be legendary amongst my friends.  I have to admit that I am embarrassed to even discuss my dating life with some of my friends.  How do you explain my inability to tell the good guys from the bad guys?  How do you explain that right when I tell my friends that things are going well… the relationship ends?   For a girl that is seemingly so intelligent… I am definitely stupid when it comes to relationships.

Eduardo really likes me too.  He has told me so.  I like that about Eduardo.  He is open and honest about his feelings.  He has told me that he is scared of making a mistake.  How does he know that I am “the one”.  How does he know that I won’t change once we are together?  How does he know that I will be a good mother?  All very good questions and the same questions I have about him.  I too am scared about our relationship.  It has moved very fast – lightening fast.  How do I know that he is “the one” for me? I have already made so many mistakes and I don’t want to make another.  If we start a family… the only person that will suffer for our mistake is our child.    

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2 responses to “Mistake? or soul mate?

  1. ((Hugs)) This is a tough one. I’ve been told many times that I can be very naive when it comes to juding someone. But it’s hard when one of my basic lessons in life was, "Always give the benefit of the doubt." I do hope you end up surprised and get the money back from your ex.
    I also think it’s sweet that Eduardo went to church with you (and you can tell him I said that!). Not too many men would do something like that.
    Hang in there,~ Fat Chick

  2. Lucinda ... cindi, too

    Mistakes.  They hurt and we hate them, but I kinda think we’ll make them the rest of our lives in some such way.  I can’t remember how the whole thing goes, but it says something about dance as if no one is watching and love like you’ve never been hurt.  The only way to know that you’re each "the one" is to BE the one.  I look for "the one" that I can accept without desire to change him, but a desire for me to be better because of him.  Good advice???  Who knows???  I haven’t found him . . . .  lol!

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