I have been rereading my blog. When I started the blog, one of the purposes was to put my thoughts down in black and white so that I could go back to them and reread them if necessary. Maybe I would learn something by going back in time and seeing what I was worrying/thinking about. Up until now, I really haven’t done much reading of old entries that are more than 1 or 2 days old.
My relationship with Eduardo is upsetting me. The funny part is not because I think that there is anything wrong with the relationship. On the contrary, I am very happy with Eduardo. He is affectionate, patient, kind and gentle. He is handsome/sexy and everything else that would likely make me happy with him in any type of intimacy. He is funny and seems to have the same sense of humour that I do. He seems to want the same things from life that I want. The worst thing I can say about him at the moment is that he steals the covers at night and communication can be difficult.
So why isn’t this girl happy??? Here goes…
My head and heart are not in agreement these days. I think I am so focused on how few weeks we have known each other because I care so much more for him than just ‘liking him’. Love? I suppose it could be love or at least the beginning of love. I think if I left my heart to make the decision it would be like – move that man in right now! I want to spend the rest of my days with him. And that sentiment scares my head silly because it is not a logical/practical feeling – or at least my head says that is not logical or practical. When I ask myself how long is long enough to know if another person is right for you… I have no answer. I am fairly certain I don’t need 15 years but would my head be happy with 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? And of course there is the risk of declaring your love and having the other person say… Ummm… you know what? I don’t feel the same way. My heart of course would throw caution to the wind and say… of course he loves me… how could he not? Ever the optimist is my heart. Meanwhile, my head is reminding me of all the other relationships that went bad.
I am sure that Elle can understand what I am saying. Can anyone else?