Happy…. Happy…. Happy…. Insecure?

I think my blogging is going to be more infrequent.  For any faithful readers, I apologize.  I am back in school and I know if I log on for just a minute, that minute will turn into an hour or more and my homework will not get done.  My 2 nights of homework are very important because I want to do most of my homework when I am NOT with Eduardo.  This is going to be impossible because this class has an incredible amount of work in it but I am going to do the best that I can.

 

I am very happy with Eduardo.  He always wants to talk to me or see me.  He loves spending time with me and I love spending time with him.  Live seems so much more complete when I am with him.  Last weekend we watched a couple of movies – one of our favourite pastimes.  This week was “How to lose a man in 10 days” and “Narnia”.  The first movie was an excellent move which we both loved.  We also liked Narnia but not to the same degree.  While we were watching “10 days”, we snacked on hummus and babaganoush(sp?) with white wine.  We bought a bottle of wine based on the picture on the front.  I kid you not.  It was excellent wine from a Virginian winery which I highly recommend.  It was called “Our Dog Blue” from Chateau Morrisette.  We didn’t do very much on Saturday or Sunday.  On Saturday, we played Scrabble in Spanish and I kicked his ass again!!!!  He is determined to beat me and I always tease him that he won’t beat me for a couple of years.   I love playing board games and apparently so does he.

 

So why am I insecure?  I am crazy about Eduardo… he seems to be just as crazy about me.  But I rarely talk about him with my friends except to comment on things we have done.  I don’t say anything about how I feel, how serious we are or how I think he feels about me.  Why not?  I have this paranoid fear that I will jinx the relationship by coming out with my happiness and talking about my feelings.   How many times in the past have I said how great I thought something was starting out or how great I thought a relationship was going and the relationship suddenly ended?

 

I am scared that I will do something he doesn’t like and he will just disappear.  Last night, I called him Enrique.  I have no idea why.  I wasn’t thinking of Enrique at that moment or probably even that entire day and yet it came out.  Unfortunately, he noticed.  I was mortified.  I pray that he doesn’t think that I am confusing him and Enrique.  There is a world of difference between the two men.  If I can make this kind of slip… what other type of mistake can I make? Relationships are so fragile.  This could end as suddenly as it started.  So I worry that I do not have what it takes to keep a good man like Eduardo.

 

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One response to “Happy…. Happy…. Happy…. Insecure?

  1. I completely understand not wanting to come out with good news lest it disappear as quickly as it came….you will feel secure at some point.  it will come.  as for the Enrique mix up, i actually have to consciously make the distinction when yo umention eduardo … an honest mistake…i’m sure he forgave you.  it sounds like you’re happy.  run with it.  -rey

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