Carry-on baggage

The first week is almost done.  I have survived the new schedule.  Already, I am getting used to the alarm clock going off much earlier than normal.  My man of few words turns into a man of no words in the morning.  That is fine by me because I am not much of a talker in the morning either.

 

Tuesday, I dropped him off near home and went off to visit Senor Campos.  He was going to take advantage of his time alone to talk to his kids on the computer.   I arrived home to find him chatting with his friends.   I microwaved leftovers for supper and set his supper down in front of him because he was still chatting.  He chatted for another hour with his friends.  And during that hour, I got the surprise of my life…. I got really upset by him chatting with his friends. 

 

I have spent the last few days thinking about how upset I was by this very simple thing.  After all, there is no reason for me to be upset by him spending an hour on the computer but I think it simply hit too close to home.  I thought that after all this time; the baggage from my marriage would have been packed up and thrown from the train.  Not so it appears.  I have found a couple of pieces hiding under the seat labeled fear.  I am scared that Eduardo will start to ignore me or take me for granted.  That I will once again end up making lunches, making supper, cleaning up and doing all the other chores that are necessary to keep life moving on and he will simply play on his computer, watch TV or do whatever.  And my dream of a partnership will slowly crumble into dust.  That one hour brought back all my fears that I will repeat the mistake of my marriage.  I had best get that baggage out from under the seat before I sabotage this relationship.

 

Think about it… one hour does not make a man.  He has shown me in a million different ways that he is involved in this relationship.  He always helps me with supper, groceries and laundry.   Once, I asked him if he wanted ice cream and when he said yes… I said… its in the kitchen honey…. And he went out and got us a bit of ice cream for dessert and all he did was laugh.  Not a single complaint was made.  All I need to do is ask him if he will help me with something and he jumps up and does it.  He is not perfect.  Tuesday night I asked him to take the frozen vegetables out of the freezer and put them on the counter to thaw out.  They were still in the freezer when I got home later.  One day… I am sure he will find something missing from his lunch because I was in a hurry and I forgot something.

 

Relationships need nurturing to survive the early morning wake-ups,  the endless stream of chores, bad days at work, being kept up by the cats and all the other things that fall into our laps.  I definitely feel nurtured by him.  I hope he feels the same way about me.         

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One response to “Carry-on baggage

  1. Yeah, it’s a little surprising when you think you’ve conquored those little fears and they suddenly up and bite you in the ass.  As long as you recognize that Eduardo is not your ex…then you just give him a fair try…plus, living with eachother, in teh first stages, you REALLY get to know a person…and you either accept it, or you check it off on your "don’t want" list.  Breathe…it will all be okay.  If it becomes a habit, then you can jump his ass for it.  🙂  have a good one! -Rey

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