A long time ago, Leonardo quit being in my thoughts and on my heart. I am not sure exactly when this happened but I know its been a while. The day I realized it had happened is when I deleted all of our email correspondence. Not only did I no longer read it, I had no interest in keeping it for its memory value. It didn’t even have that much value to me. More recently, I discovered that I have actually moved on and I am not even angry any more about the relationship and how it terminated. I am not even sure when or how that happened. Just one day… I realized that it had happened. I came to this realization when Leonardo told me that he was coming to this area and wanted to see me. Last time he talked about this, I actually asked Enrique’s advice about it. This time, I didn’t need anyone’s advice. I simply didn’t want to see him. I don’t want to dredge up the past and I don’t want to hear Leonardo speak of our past relationship or how his life is going now. I am no longer angry but I still don’t have any sympathy for him. His life is the way it is because of the choices he made but he continually makes himself out to be a victim of life’s circumstances. The last time we spoke, I basically told him to grow up. This was something that I should said a long time ago but I was still worried about ‘being nice’.
So… we are not seeing each other and I don’t think he can understand why. There was no point in explaining it to him because he will never understand and quite frankly I don’t care if he ever understands. At one time, I wanted him to see my viewpoint. I wanted him to understand how I felt about what he did. I have come to the conclusion that someone who thinks he is a victim has no way of seeing anything but his own sad circumstances.
Today, I deleted his work phone from my cell and his yahoo ID from my list of Yahoo friends. It was sad to let go of these last remnants of him. Sad…. but also freeing. It was simply confirmation of what I already knew. After 10 years, I no longer want him to be part of my life. I have moved on.