Monthly Archives: November 2006

Wedding Bells are ringing

Eduardo and I have decided that we are the one for each other.  We are getting married on January 20th or January 27th of 2007. 

After much debate about our personal finances and the fact that a second lay-off was just announced at his job (with a possible third coming) we have decided to have a small intimate ceremony with just the two of us.  In a year, when life is hopefully more stable, we plan on having a wedding celebration and taking our honeymoon in Puerto Rico.  I think the wedding ceremony is perfectly romantic and I am not at all unhappy that it will just be a private moment between the two of us.

We found a very romantic bed and breakfast a short drive away that performs wedding ceremonies as part of a complete package.  For one price, we get two nights stay at a little cottage on their property with a gourmet breakfast, the wedding ceremony itself, a champagne toast, the bridal flowers, a wedding cake, 36 pictures and a dinner out at a nearby fancy restaurant.   We were sent a photo gallery of past weddings and they were absolutely beautiful pictures taken by the wife.

That was the easy part and we agreed on this fairly quickly despite one discussion that went fairly badly and ended up being tabled because we totally couldn’t agree on anything.  After tabling it and allowing ourselves some time to ponder it, the second and third discussions that led to our final decision went very well.  We are still hoping that my friend, Pearl, a pastor who is able to perform weddings in Virginia, is able to officiate at the wedding.  If not, the innkeeper is Plan B.

And now on to the totally tortuous parts of the wedding planning….

Selecting the ring

Selecting the dress

Selecting the suit, shirt, tie and shoes.

Selecting the ring has been an exercise in patience on my part.  This man is totally driving me nuts.  Due to finances, Eduardo has been very concerned about the price of things.  So he was trying to find an inexpensive ring that he could live with.  Since the rings could potentially be on our fingers for a good many years, I suggested that maybe he shouldn’t be so concerned about the price of the ring – within reason – and get something he likes (and I like – we want matching wedding bands) because he is going to have to live with it for a long time.  Well… let’s just say that suggestion backfired.  Now he wants to find the PERFECT ring because he is going to have to live with it for a long time.  We have been to just about a dozen different jewelry stores/jewelers.  Many of them we have been to twice and one of them we have been to three times… yes… three times.  Maybe this is normal?  I don’t know.  This wasn’t my experience previously. 

On Saturday night, he was sure that he had found THE ONE.  It was a beautiful 2 toned rose gold/yellow gold ring.  The middle was two bands of rose/yellow gold brushed and the outside was a highly polished gold.  For plan B, there was a yellow gold ring with a brushed center and highly polished outside flat edge.  Whew… search over.  We simply needed to make a decision.  On Sunday morning he says to me, “I think I want to go to some more places.”  So we went to Jared’s Galleria.  Amazingly enough, we found THE ONE but their sample was only in white gold.  It had a beveled polished edge with a narrow brushed center band.  We then went to the malls to see if we could see a sample in yellow gold.  No luck but we found Plan B.  A simple brushed center band with a raised rounded polished edge (See a pattern here?) that was very inexpensive.  Success!!! We simply had to decide.  We are waiting to find out if the ring we found at Jared’s is available in yellow gold in my size.  He tells me multiple different times that he likes the one from Jared’s.  So, last night, I ask him if I can simply order the rings if the girl calls to say they have my size.  And he responds, I think we need to talk about it.




I can only imagine what torture he is going to inflict on me when we get to the point of picking out a suit.  I suppose I might get him back when we try to pick out a dress.  I have tried out 7 or 8 dresses already and it is not going well.  We have managed to decide on a colour range but that is all.


Holiday Weekend – Let’s celebrate

I hope you are all celebrating the holiday weekend – for those who do celebrate it.  We will definitely be celebrating.  Tomorrow, we are going out to friends of Eduardo’s for lunch.  Friday, we are having our own Thanksgiving dinner.  It will be a special dinner but it won’t have traditional Thanksgiving food.  I am going to be making a Tortiere which is like a meat pie.  I love it but it is extremely time consuming to make and of course very bad for you so I reserve it for special occasions.  On Saturday, we are taking out an older gentleman I visit for lunch to his favourite Peruvian restaurant.  Somewhere in there, I need to make a bunch of cookies and we need to work on our bathroom floor.
So… I handed in my assignment and my teacher says to me… This is your draft?  WHAT!!!?!?!?!?!!!  Hello??? Didn’t I send that to you last week?  I am certain that is what we agreed to.  All I simply said was, "I sure hope not"  I have absolutely no desire what-so-ever to revisit this paper and re-write it.  I am not even sure how I could re-write it.  I spent some 15 or 16 hours writing it.  There is nothing more in me.  I am tapped out, finished, kaput, tired and simply don’t want to work any more on it.  I have all my assignments back expect this one and have a solid A.  I passed.  Even if I get 0 on this assignment, I will have a B.  This class is OVER!!!!  Well… ok…. I have to attend the final class.
And that is all for me at this moment.

The light at the end of the tunnel….

is not a train! 
I spent some 8 or 9 hours this weekend doing my final project.  This means that I simply have to complete the bibliography, the thesis statement and the conclusion, proof-read/edit the body of the paper and I am finished.  In theory, this shouldn’t take more than an hour or two.  In reality, I expect it to take another evening.  But this means that I will be done!!! All I have to do is attend the rest of the classes – 2 or 3 and I am free and just need to wait to graduate.  I couldn’t be happier and I don’t want to go back to school any time soon.
On Sunday,  I spent several hours and just sat and read.  It was so pleasant to simply do absolutely nothing.  It was weird in fact.  I felt like I should be doing something.  I think it is going to be very hard after this last year of almost constant homework to have my weeknights and weekends free.  What do you do with that free time?  I have not a clue.

A rough weekend and start to the week

Harmony is back to her shenanigans. If you kick her out of the bedroom she will eventually start crying at the bedroom door.  If you let her stay in the bedroom, she walks all over Eduardo.  Around 5:30 or so, she will eventually start playing with the blinds which will definitely wake you up.  Eduardo hasn’t slept for 2 nights.

I also haven’t slept for 2 nights because I have been in total agony with my upper back/shoulder.  I think part of it is stress.  I noticed last night when I got home from class that the pain in my shoulder started creeping back up my neck and into my head.  It was at an all time high when I finally went to bed.  So no sleep last night.  The stress came from Eduardo last night.  He was upset about something.  I don’t know what.  He says he felt lonely last night.  Maybe that was it.  I could figure out that something was wrong although he said nothing was.  Naturally, he wouldn’t talk about it. 

After lying in bed for 10 or 15 minutes he seemed to have gotten back to himself.  He even told me about his family and about the city that he grew up in for an hour or more because I was in so much pain and could barely lie still let alone fall asleep.  That was a sweet gesture that I appreciate.  I think if this keeps up I am going to end up back in physical therapy.

I am having severe motivational issues with respect to finishing up my schoolwork.  I got another assignment back last night… A-.  So 70% of my marks are back.  I think I can consider myself officially passed now.  I have just one assignment left – my final paper.  I have my books approved.  I have my general topic approved.  I now have to specifically write a rough draft just for handing in purposes which I think is ridiculous.  Why? because he wants to see a rough draft of the project.  Usually, when I write, I write all in one shot (well ok… over several nights).  It takes about an hour to write a page but when I’ve gotten to the last page… I am done.  I make very few edits after.  This isn’t very effective for a rough draft so I need to create a rough draft just to hand in. *sigh* 

For Elle, and anyone else that cares:  I am getting a certificate in Latin American Studies.  I can’t do much with it but at least it is something I can put on a resume that validates all my schooling for the last 6 years.  I can say that I know Spanish.

And for the weekend…..

I can’t say everything that happened over the weekend because that would let the cat out of the bag and I can’t do that totally.  But we did have a doozy of a fight.  I am still not sure what to do about what he has talked to me about.  I was upset because he spoke to his ex for 1.5 hours on Saturday night.  It is not like he talks about anything inappropriate but it doesn’t exactly thrill me that he speaks to her that much.  He says that because I am friends with my exes that allows him to talk to his ex.  I don’t have an issue with him being friends… but 2-3 hours a week of talking?  I talk to Mike probably less than 30 minutes a week and my others exes – maybe a few times a year.  I realize they share kids but I know all the talking is not about children.  And to have him say to me that he wants to talk to her because they speak the same language and it is easier is a bit of a blow. 

Somehow from there we moved onto me.  He says that I don’t let him make decisions.  I pretend to but I don’t really because I put restrictions on his selections. For example, I let him select soda… but only caffeine free.  Or I let him select ice cream flavours but only if they are light ice cream.  The restriction is because I don’t drink caffeinated soda nor eat full fat ice cream. The latest example was over what we were going to do for the afternoon.  I listed a bunch of things that we could do.  I included Mount Vernon and said he might enjoy that.  I then told him that Mount Vernon had a fee associated with it so let me call and find out how much it was to get in.  It was 13$.  I told him it seemed kind of ridiculous to pay 13$ for a couple of hours when we wouldn’t be able to get through the whole site within that time. I said… let’s do that some other time when we get up earlier.  It seemed logical didn’t it?  He got mad because I took the choice away.   He finally decided on Arlington Cemetary which ended up being kind of nice because it was Veteran’s Day and had some special events.  But he also seemed to think I chose Arlington Cemetary – THAT I know I didn’t do.

He also got mad about not taking the camera.  I meant to take it.  I forget it.  I always forget it.  It annoys me to no end that I forget it.  We were just at the entrance to our apt. complex when Eduardo mentioned that we forgot the camera.  I asked him if he wanted to go back to get it.  He said no.  I responded with… well thats ok because we can always go back and see it again.  It is not like it is far away.  For me… the camera might have been nice but it didn’t really matter one way or another.  For him… apparently he really, really wanted to take the camera but because I asked him if we wanted to turn around and I didn’t just turn the car around (like any peruvian would) he no longer wanted the camera.  Then was upset because my face didn’t appear enthusiastic (think NY trip – enthusiasm is an important issue)

I ended up going to church by myself on Sunday.  This wouldn’t have been such a big deal except that Eduardo stayed in bed right up until I left.  I forgot my phone on the coffee table so I went back to get it and low and behold – there was Eduardo walking out of the bedroom.  He deliberately stayed in bed until I had left.  That was a blow to my heart or some such place inside of me.

Eventually, we made up but I just don’t know what to do about these issues – especially regarding the issues of culture and my control/dominance or whatever it might be.

Just when you think I’m back…

I go on vacation!!!!
It’s true.  I have spent the last few days on vacation.  We didn’t go anywhere special.  This was good news and bad news.   When we first discussed our vacation, we decided to stay here and so some local things.  Then, Eduardo wanted to go to New York.  I have to admit that I wasn’t enthusiastic about it when he first suggested it.  I thought New York would be too expensive for my budget.  I did some research and it seemed like it was doable but then Eduardo said he no longer wanted to go.  I can relate but ARGH!!!  Instead of doing much around here, we hung out at the house.  I thought that I was leaving our schedule up to Eduardo so I took his lead on stuff.  I really didn’t mind just hanging out.  I thought we had some great times relaxing and talking and getting to know each other better.  On Wednesday, he tells me he was bored and he has not liked the vacation.  That revelation has pretty much wrecked the joy I was getting out of our vacation.  So I guess we can now say that neither of us have enjoyed the vacation.
Yesterday,  Eduardo and I walked around Burke Lake.  This is a 4.5 mile trail.  Whew!!!! I was tired at the end of that.  On the trail we saw a doe and a buck.  The buck has 4 prongs on his antlers so he was fairly impressive – to me at least.  He was actually very bold and even started to follow us so we got out of there.  It freaks me out a little bit when wild animals that are normally afraid of you are not afraid of you.  It was an incredible sight and Eduardo’s first close-up look of a male deer.
I am working a half day today because I had to get up to take Eduardo to work.  I figured if I had to get up to take him to work I might as well work a half day even though it is a holiday for our company.  Most likely, I will take a half day off next Tuesday to work on my final assignment.  I have officially passed the course as I have a 95% average on all work handed in (50%) and 100% of attendance(10%).  I just have 2 assignments left to hand in.  One assignment in just about complete and the other is started.  My goal is to finish the reading this weekend and then start writing it next week.  If I am lucky, I will have it written within the week.  Pop that rough draft into the teacher and then I simply need to make any corrections he suggests and I will be done!!  I will be so happy to get this class over with.  I am ready to graduate right now!
Harmony was taken into the vets to be spayed.  661$ Does that not seem like a total rip-off?  Egads! If I should ever get another cat, I think I will be going to a different vet to get them fixed.  I am fairly certain that I can get this done for considerably less.   I realize that my vet is world-class but that is ridiculous.  In fact, they are getting very expensive even for shots so it is entirely possible that I might end up going to a different vet for everything.  They gave Harmony some drugs for pain.  It has turned her into a totally different cat.  She is loveable and adorable and not anywhere close to the little monster that went into the vets.  I think I need a lifetime supply of this stuff!!  Last night, she feel asleep in my arms.  This is a first!!!  We are hoping that her love for affection will still be there when she is off this medication.
I will try to write more often but I think it will be sporadic until I graduate. 
PS.  I never did find out more about the accident.  I did try to look it up in a local newspaper but didn’t find any mention of it.

A pedestrian was killed

Tuesday night on my way to Senor Campos, I was stopped by a traffic accident.  I was not a witness to the accident although I suspect that I came onto the accident within a few minutes of it happening.  A pedestrian was hit crossing the road.  I drove by this person lying very still on the road in an odd position.
I am not sure what went through my mind first because so many thoughts leapt into it:
  • Was it a trick or treater?  It was hard to say if it was a man/woman or adult/older child.  
  • Why was he crossing in the middle of the road?  That stop light wasn’t that far away!  This road is not particularly well-lit.  You can’t see people jay-walking very well.
  • The poor driver.  The pedestrian was wearing dark blue/black pants and sweater.  Will the driver realize that he couldn’t possibly have seen the person and forgive himself?  You could barely see the person against the road and you knew he was there.
  • Is he dead?  I suppose he must have been because he was so still and lying in such an odd way.  Just like in movies you know. You would think if he was hurt he would be moving in some way.  I had my window down because it was so nice out.  You didn’t hear a sound out of the victim. 


I immediately called Eduardo because he was taking the bus home that night and I wanted to make sure he arrived safely. 


Just in case I haven’t discussed this topic enough… let’s revisit communication

I have been negligent in writing and really don’t have an excuse for it.  At work, I have been insanely busy.  I have either been working (I know… what a concept… working at work) or doing my homework while I have been waiting to pick up Eduardo.   At night, I just haven’t wanted to think about or construct an entry.   The little bit I have been on my computer is to do homework.


My exam went well.  I got a 96.  I suppose for all the stressing I should have gotten a good mark.


What has been on my mind the last few days is Eduardo.  I feel like everything is going great.  I love spending time with him and I love being with him.  I feel like this could turn into a forever thing.  We have discussed our goals for the future and what we want in both the short term and long term.   We even agree on these things. All sounds great… right?  I am not sure because I have certainly been surprised before by a relationship tanking that I thought was going well.


I just don’t know if our relationship can survive when so much of the conversation is one-sided.  He says it is difficult to talk to me because of the differences in language.  He has no idea how difficult it is to carry on a conversion when someone just says “si”, “no”, “que quieres” and so on.  I feel like I am in a monologue and I don’t know how to change it.  When I try to get him to talk he says he has nothing to talk about or it is difficult.  Obviously, we do talk since we have talked about the future but a fair amount of our conversations are me talking to him.  I feel like I am getting better in our conversations.  He rarely has to repeat what he has to say.  Despite that, he doesn’t feel that way.  He says he has to think too hard to express his ideas in the vocabulary I know.  He doesn’t always want to think that hard and he can’t always express himself adequately.  Often, he doesn’t explain something I don’t understand.  I can’t tell if it is just because he can’t be bothered or he thinks it is just too difficult or what.   Repeatedly, I have told him that he needs to use vocabulary I don’t know (and then explain it) if he wants me to learn it.  He needs to actually carry on a conversation with me if he wants me to improve my listening/understanding skills.  I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. 


Once he said to me that he was getting used to not talking to anyone.  Unfortunately, I am included in that anyone category.  I don’t think I can change this situation without his help but I don’t think he wants to do the work.  This is the part I don’t understand.  He has the opportunity to make our communication better and he chooses not to.   There is only so much I can do.  I try to keep up my end of the bargain and repeat things when I need to and explain the words I use that he doesn’t understand.  I help him with English pronunciation when he asks and we read simple English books together to help him improve.


I simply don’t understand why Eduardo doesn’t want to try to improve our communication.  This is the one part of the relationship that makes me extremely sad.   Communication is so important to a relationship.  How can this relationship stay alive if communication continues to stagnate?