Sometimes, life gives you points in which you can see a distinct end to one part of your life and a beginning to another part. I think this weekend will be exactly that. One chapter will be finished, the page flipped over and a new chapter will begin.
This has been one of the longest chapters of my life. It started when I arrived in Washington, DC just over 10 years ago. I got married and divorced. I went from visa holder to citizen. I even graduated with a certificate in Latin American Studies. I lost a dog and a cat that came with me to the United States. I have two new cats that share my life. I went from renting to owning. I have now spent half of my adult life in this country. In this chapter I have went from being clearly Canadian to almost American. I don’t suppose that I will ever entirely get rid of beliefs that were developed while I lived in Canada but they are evolving. I have a learned a second language. I am not bilingual but I am well on my way. This chapter has seen my life being turned on end in ways that I would never have anticipated before it started.
I look forward to this weekend with anticipation and nervousness.
Anticipation because I am going to get married to a good man. Not a perfect man but a good man. A man who can frustrate me to no end at times and even hurt me with his actions but also a man who helps me, holds me, supports me and makes me laugh. Not a perfect man, but I hope a perfect man for me.
Nervousness because I am not exactly known for happily ever afters. I want this relationship to continue to grow and flourish but I am not sure that the skills to nurture this relationship are part of my strengths. There are lots of self-doubts about my abilities but I am going to forge ahead anyways. You can’t win a lottery unless you buy a ticket. Neither can you build a relationship unless you step out there and try. I will be stepping out there and trying.
Yesterday, Eduardo and I were talking about the future in front of us. Neither of us thinks that it will be easy. We come from two different cultures and speak two different languages. And of course, there are all the other things that can cause difficulties in every relationship. I said to him, "Some things are worth fighting for and I think we are one of those things." I believe that we can be successful if we focus on the things that we do have going for us and not on the things that are against us.