Monthly Archives: February 2007

Your regularly scheduled program has been pre-empted

I picked Eduardo up last night and he started to tell me that he felt that the pain from the tooth that needed the root canal (scheduled for April 2nd) was spreading.  We called the dentist.  They recommended stronger antibiotics and they would call if they got a cancellation before April 2nd.  15 minutes later they called with a cancellation for today.  Now that is fast service!!!
This morning I am working from home.  After the root canal, I will head into work.

My car is thinking….

"Thank you Lord that it didn’t snow until Sunday."
Yes indeed, my car is a happy car.  The reason why it is a happy car is that it didn’t not get hit with a falling tree.
Monday through Friday, we normally park at the sign that says "Front end parking only" or in one of the two spots next to it.   We usually do groceries on Saturday which prompts me to park closer to the condo so we don’t have to carry those groceries quite as far.  So Saturday, as per our usual schedule, we went out grocery shopping and parked about 6 or 7 spaces closer to the condo entrance. 
Yesterday afternoon, a tree cracked in half and landed in our parking lot… right on the parking spots around the "front end parking only" sign.  It would have landed square on our car had if of been in its usual parking spot.  If it had of snowed on Saturday, our car would have been parked there… and it probably would be a crushed little car instead of the wonderfully whole car that it still is.
So, Lord… thank your for holding off the snow until Sunday morning.  My owners appreciated it very much.

The weekend

This was a good weekend.  One of the best since our wedding. 
Friday night, I picked up Eduardo from work.  We headed into Manassas and walked around Old Town.  Unfortunately, most of the shops closed by 5pm on a Friday.  I couldn’t understand that!  We went into a little gourmet food shop that was very interesting.  We ended up buying two bottles of wine.  One called Blushing Dog from Chateaux Morrisette.  This is a local winery that has excellent wine.  We like two other wines of theirs – Black Dog (red wine) and Our Blue Dog (white wine).  I think you could say that we consider it ‘our’ wine.  To go along with the pet motif, we also selected a white wine from Portugual called "Gateo" (for cat) that we had never tried before.  After that, we went to Guapos and had some Peruvian style chicken.  I think we both decided that we had had better chicken at a different place.
Saturday was a quiet day and we did very little.  We did so little that I can’t even remember what we did.  In the morning, we went running.  Eduardo was really missing Peruvian food so we looked through Peruvian recipes and selected a Minestrone to try to make.  Let’s just say that if you think that we had the tomato-based Italian-style Minestrone – think again.  I can’t even describe how this soup tastes but nothing like I have ever tasted before.  And it is not red – it is yellow.  We made up the grocery list and went shopping.  We also watched the movie Sahara together.  After that, I watched a movie called Fire Serpent while he listened to music or videos on his computer.
Sunday was a BUSY day.  We got up and took a walk through the snow.  It was snowing quite heavily and we ended up quite wet but I loved it.  I love walking through the snow.  After that, we had a late breakfast and started cooking.  We cooked for like 4 hours then cleaned on top of that.  We made muffins for our breakfast.  We made Barbeque Bundles for his lunch (ground beef surrounded by Pilsbury dough).  We made Chicharrones with potatoes for a late lunch.  And then we made the Minestrone.  That actually took us quite a while but we got it done.  Afterwards, the two of us vaccuumed and cleaned the bathroom.  While he took a shower, I finished cleaning up the kitchen.  We sat down to watch a movie in Spanish.  After the movie was over, I whipped up some delicious corn bread to go with the soup and we ate supper.  We also watched End of Days.  We had seen it before but I wanted to see it again.  I continued watching some more TV while he played on his computer.
Unfortunately, the weekend ended badly in the sense that I discovered that my allergic reaction to my annual exam turned into an infection.  Safeway only had Monistat brand.  I, in a moment of desperation said to myself… "As long as I stay away from those ovules, and the one day cure, I will be fine" Umm… yeah…. It doesn’t matter what form that medication comes in…. it burns so much that I was crying about 1/2 hour after I applied it and ended up going to the washroom several times to try to wipe it off.  I didn’t get much sleep last night.  I have 2 more nights of this…. Yippee!!!!  Something to look forward to.
So today… I am totally exhausted and not prepared to start my week.

Character Flaws

I have this gigantic character flaw.  It has made my life living hell when it comes to relationships.
What is this character flaw???? I am too forgiving and will give people chances beyond what the reasonable person will give.  If someone messes up and doesn’t do something that a reasonable person will do… I provide an excuse.  I didn’t get a Valentine’s gift?  They were too busy.  They showed up late to something important?  Thats a latino thing.  And the list goes on and on.  I have forgiven people that I care for a million times.  I expect that I will continue to do so.
But the question that continues to plague me is, "How many chances is enough chances?"  I always want to be fair to people and give them an opportunity to redeem themselves.  People make mistakes.  I do not want to write off a person just because of a couple of mistakes.  Are those chances not something I would want?  I make a lot of mistakes.  I want my friends and loved ones to forgive me for my mistakes.  But how do I know that I have given enough chances and my forgiveness is simply being taken advantage of?
I am in that situation today.  At least twice that I can remember, I have given him another chance to try to control his temper and his mouth.  After each of those times, he has still managed to lose his temper over little things and mouthed off saying hurtful things.   Both times, he has promised that he will try to improve.  If anything, things have gone downhill.  Since Monday, I have been called selfish twice and stupid once.  Two of those happened just yesterday.  At least two of those three times, it was totally uncalled for.  I said or did nothing wrong.  He simply got upset because he didn’t like what I did/said.  Perhaps the third time had some merit but the words were still uncalled for.  This is not the way I act when I am upset.  I give the person a chance (yeah, I know – my gigantic character flaw) to tell me their side of the story before flying off the handle.  Ok… occasionally, when something is big, I simply just fly off the handle.  But that is rare indeed.
We are supposed to be working on our third chance.  He has promised me again that he wants to improve and he will improve.  He wants me to trust him – for the third time – that everything will turn out.  He tells me he will change but he has told me multiple times when he has been upset at me that he has to accept how I am because people don’t change.  So how is he going to change when I supposedly can’t?  Maybe he is a better person and more capable of change?  But my heart is sad.  I don’t think it believes him.  Maybe my heart already knows that it is simply another chance which will be followed by another…. and another… and another… 
A second character flaw is that I am persistent.  I don’t like to give up.  Put this together with wanting to be fair and you can see how I have this potential to end up for a long time in relationships (friends, lovers, husbands) that aren’t particularly good for me.  I want to keep trying to resolve the problems and I keep giving these people another chance to redeem themselves.   A vicious circle at times.
How do you know that it is time to get out of this circle?  When is enough chances enough?  How do you know that you have tried hard enough and it is time to quit trying and tell the person that the relationship is over?  I want to be able to say I tried when I look back.  I tried my hardest and it just didn’t work out.  I don’t want to look back at any relationship and say… "Hmm… maybe I should have tried harder"  Maybe it would have worked out if I had of just done….. I don’t know what… but something more

When are you cheating on your spouse?

Obviously, if the two of you are in some kind of relationship acting like you are married – you are cheating.    For example, the two of you are living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed and neither of you have talked about or taken steps towards separating.  This is a no-brainer.
But what about if the two of you are living in separate houses and signed a separation agreement?  Obviously, there is no intention to have a relationship between the two of you.  Are you cheating if you start a new relationship and the divorce is not final?
I had someone tell me that if you didn’t have the signed divorce papers in your hand that you were still married and cheating on your spouse.  I disagree.  I believe that divorce papers are simply papers that legally recognize what is already recognized between the couple – it is over.
In Canada, a separation agreement signals the end of a relationship.  I never had anyone tell me that I was still married to my first husband nor did anyone tell me that our relationship wasn’t over just because we didn’t have a divorce.  It took us several years to get a divorce.  This was mainly because neither of us had an overwhelming desire to spend the money to get an official divorce.   It was clear to us that the relationship was over and we were moving on.  We didn’t need a piece of paper to tell us what we already knew. We finally got a divorce because one of us was thinking about getting married.
I also don’t think that my second husband and I felt like we were still married after we signed a separation agreement and we were living in different houses.  Both of us dated (and had intimate relationships) before our divorce was finalized.  I don’t think either of us felt like this was cheating on each other.
But since my last separation, I have had several men tell me that they wouldn’t get involved with a woman that was separated because they were still attached to their previous spouse.  Legally, I suppose you are but that was not the kind of attachment that I believe they were talking about.  They seemed to think there was still some kind of emotional attachment.  And now,  I am being told that dating/having intimate relationships between the separation and the divorce is tantamount to cheating on your spouse.
True or false?

Happy Valentine’s Day

We had an interesting Valentine’s Day to say the least.   We ended up going into work late because of this big snow/ice storm that rolled in on the 13th.  We were up at 6am, so it wasn’t like we got to sleep in but we didn’t go anyways.  The roads were still covered in snow/ice.  It was still freezing rain and it was dark!  We ended up leaving mid-morning.  It was just as well we didn’t try to leave earlier because it took 3 people to push my car out of its parking spot.
And on the way back in to the house… we have to shovel our way INTO a parking spot.  I kid you not.  The snow that was lying in the parking spots was so hard that you couldn’t get through it.  The car just simply stopped when you hit it.  So there is a single parking spot in our condo complex that is shovelled.  If they don’t snow plow the condo today…. we will likely have to shovel another spot tonight.  Somehow, I doubt that our nicely shovelled spot will stay empty for long.  And since our car can’t get into any of the spots with snow in them, we will be likely be doing a lot of shovelling over the next couple of days until it melts.
So we shovelled our spot out then helped out another girl that was stuck trying to get out.  We have actually met several people that live in our complex since the storm started.  Everybody seems very friendly.  Afterwards, we took our now basically cold takeout food and enjoyed it with a bottle of wine.  After dinner, we watched a really good movie called "Love Actually".  I highly recommend it!!!!
It was a quiet evening that we enjoyed very much.

Please give me a break

I am not asking for a million dollars or a fancy home or a big car or anything of the sort.  All I want in a break from my string of bad luck over the last 6 months to a year.
Today I discovered that Eduardo and I managed to forget our cheque book at the bank last night when we deposited his cheque.  We called this morning and the cheque book is nowhere to be found.  Incredibly enough, Chevy Chase wants 30$ per cheque to do a stop payment.  Given that we had only written a few cheques from that cheque book, that is about 600$.  Our other choice is to close the account.  This is likely what I am going to do.  I know that the cheque book is not in the house or anywhere else.  The deposit slip is in my purse so I know that if I ALSO had the cheque book in my hand at that moment, it would have ended up in my purse too.  I think we had already left it at the little cheque writing counter after we copied down the account number.
So I called the place back that has one of my cheques to ask her not to cash it in case we had to close the account.  I guess one is already outstanding on the account so we will have to leave that money in there until the cheque clears.  And then I get to redo my direct deposit and get more cheques and so on and so forth. *sigh*
I really don’t want anything more than just to be left in peace to live.