Monthly Archives: March 2007

New Bedtime Routine

I feel like I child as I announce that I have a new bedtime routine.
I worry a lot.  At times, I can’t even describe how much I worry because it is simply insane.  Lately, I have found myself under an immense amount of stress that I can’t even understand.  I can’t put my finger on exactly what is stressing me.  I can identify some stressors but none of these stressors seem to account for the continuing pressure that I feel.   I get under a lot of stress and I forget things.  This naturally leads to more stress and worry because I then start to worry about forgetting things.  Yesterday, I went to go rug hooking at my lunch.  I forgot a necessary thing to do my rug hooking.  When I walked into the room, I announced, "You are not going to believe this but I forgot to bring X".  What is even worse is that I can no longer remember the name of what I forgot to bring.  I tried to tell Eduardo that I had forgotten it but when I got to that part of the story, I realized that I no longer remembered the name of the tool.  I still don’t remember it and its freaking me out. 
Over the weekend, Eduardo and I got to talking about how difficult it is for me to fall asleep and stay asleep.  We can blame some of it on the cats but not all of it.  He said I worry too much and I need to drain the worry from my brain.  Easier said than done, I assure you.  So… we started a new bedtime routine to help me.
The first thing we do is prepare everything we can for our lunch the next day and put it on the counter.  We can’t prepare everything because some things need to stay in the fridge.  Then we get our workout clothes ready.  Lastly, we lay down in bed and do this prayer.  It involves saying a written prayer out loud, doing some silent prayer, verbal prayer and then listing 3 things we are grateful for.  This has been very relaxing to me and I have been able to fall asleep much faster this week. 

I’m here!

I haven’t disappeared despite the fact that I haven’t written.  My life has been totally boring without a single thing to talk about. 
This weekend was a fairly good weekend weather-wise.  Friday night was beautifully warm so we ate by candlelight on our balcony.  We also ate lunch on Sunday outside because it was so sunny out.  Lunch was made by the honey.  We had chicharrones, potatoes with ocopa sauce and lettuce and tomatoes.  It was a very peruvian meal.  What made it even more special was that he made it.
There was an open house on Sunday on a two bedroom that I went with Eduardo to.  Lets just say that we won’t be moving into a two bedroom soon.  They are still selling at approximately 50,000$ more than a 1 bedroom.  This seems like a lot more money for a tiny bit of extra real estate.  You get the extra bedroom (10×12) and a teeny tiny master bathroom.  I can’t stress teeny, tiny enough.  It makes our basic  bathroom look gigantic.  You also get a slighter larger kitchen/dining room but lose the separate laundry room.  Your laundry is in the kitchen.
We also went to the dentist on Wednesday.  I got a failing grade on looking after my teeth.  *sigh*  Despite, doing what I thought was a better job (inspired by Eduardo),  I ended up with one of my worse visits in a long time.  It was weird.  I could have sworn that I was more religious about brushing my teeth and was definitely more faithful on Mr. Listerine.   I guess we will simply have to try harder this time around.
We are still going to the gym regularly.  I wish I could say that it was resulting in the pounds melting off of me.  Sadly… this is not so.  I  keep telling myself that at least I am going to the gym and not sitting on my ass at home.  That is healthier for me.
I have been feeling less overwhelmed lately by the speed of life.  I think it has slowed down just a little bit.  We managed to find our dining room table this weekend and the majority of the kitchen counters!  That has been a major accomplishment.  Hopefully, we can keep everything clean during the week.  Usually, we tend to fall down near the end of the week because we just become overwhelmed by all the things we have to cram into our weekdays and try to make up for it on the weekend.  Of course, on the weekend, we are also trying to relax to recuperate from the prior week and get ready for the next week.
Life… slow down!!!  You are rushing by too fast.

Supporting your partner

If you aren’t doing anything together…. why be married?  You might as well be room mates and that is probably preferable as this requires a much lesser level of involvement emotionally in the other person.
The question of whether or not I support my partner came up this weekend.  I gather there is some doubt that I support him adequately.  Although I drop him off at his friend’s house and pick him up at night at work, I am not supportive enough because occasionally I express frustration that I am tied to his schedule.  I can not even take a day off work because I would have to get up at 6am anyways to get him to work and then pick him up in the afternoon.  I find this frustrating and a little morale killing.  My Tuesdays and Thursdays are totally tied up because I drive him to his English classes.  I don’t mind doing it but on the other hand… I sometimes feel like my ability to enjoy any free time revolves around him and his schedule.  It can be frustrating to know that I can’t plan any other activities on a Tuesday or Thursday because those nights aren’t mine.
Sometimes, I don’t feel like making him breakfast or getting up from the couch to get him a drink.  Is this bad?  Should I have to get up from the couch to get him a drink?  Sometimes he has looked at me (while sitting on said couch) and said, "Im hungry… what’s for supper".  This means that I am supposed to get up and prepare supper (even if its just microwave it).   Is it bad of me to think that maybe it would be nice if one night he said, "Im hungry… I am going to warm up our supper"?
I was making him hot lunches.  I didn’t really mind doing it but on the other hand, I expected him to help me.  Is that expectation bad?  Should I be making these lunches just because I cared and not saying a peep if I am busy cooking and he is busy listening to music because he doesn’t want to help?  Now he is making his own lunches because my expectation that he helps me make him feel bad and is going to do it himself.   I wasn’t supporting him in this area so he doesn’t want me to do anything.
As always, his expression of my inadequacies has gotten me to thinking about whether or not he meets the standards he expects of me. 
He can’t drive me to work but he has been pretty reasonable about the days he has to wait for me to show up.
He does tend to get me things if I ask him to although I tend not to ask him unless he is already walking in that direction.
He definitely helps with laundry and cleaning the house.
He comes and goes on his willingness to help me make our meals.  He does not like to help out with warming up meals already made although one night a week, he does make pizza to help me out.   He never wants to make breakfast.  He has no problems with grabbing something quick for himself but wont make anything for the two of us.
He is a big factor in my showing up at the gym 5 days a week.  The mere fact that he is positive (or faking said positiveness) makes me get off my butt into the gym.
Its great that he will do things for himself but I am not sure that is the same as supporting me.   Sure… that reduces some of the work because I am not cooking for him and me (or whatever the work is)…. but is that support?  That would mean that a room mate is supporting me because they pick up after themselves, cook for themselves and so on.  That isn’t quite the same as the person offering to whip up a quick breakfast of cut-up fruit and yogurt that the two of us can enjoy together.  Or is it?
I have no idea if I am being unreasonable.  I feel like I do a bunch of little things (like making the bed) that are swept under the rug because they aren’t noticed.  I am not sure that I see him do those little things but maybe I am doing the same thing in return – just sweeping them under the rug because they are so little that I barely notice them.

The time change

For some reason, the time change is kicking my ass.  I have been so tired this week that it has been unbelievable.  I wanted to take a nap at work and almost fell asleep on the way to pick up Eduardo.
And Chevy Chase is still managing to piss me off.   Remember how I lost a booklet of cheques (at their bank no less)?  I did the stop payment for 45 cheques.  The bank in their infinite wisdom did a stop payment on all cheque numbers (from 0 to infinity) on my account so it would not have been possible to cash any cheques on my chequing account.  That rather defeats the purpose of a chequing account doesn’t it?????  I found this out because I was wondering why my mortgage payment hadn’t yet come out of my account.   It was being returned to the mortgage company as Insufficient funds.   THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!  They managed to reverse that but I discovered they bounced another cheque for insufficient funds.  This all happened last week.
This week…. THEY ARE STILL PISSING ME OFF!!!!  Chevy Chase requires you to make your online bill payment 4 days – YES 4 days – before the payment is due.  Explain to me why they need 4 days when Bank of America needs 2????  Not a problem if you remember 4 days before the due date that you need it pay it… right??? WRONG!!!!!! You need to remember at least 5 days in advance in case Chevy Chase’s online banking is down FOR THE ENTIRE EVENING.  Thats right.  We tried for 5 hours to get to Chevy Chase’s site to pay the credit card.   They weren’t up so I couldn’t pay until today and my payment will be going in one day late.   Sadly, this is not the first time that Chevy Chase has prevented me from paying bills.  I have only been with them for 2 months… how often is their online banking not going to be available???  In the several YEARS – not months – that I have been paying bills with Bank of America, they have been down like 2 or 3 times.
As soon as the joint chequing account can be moved over to Bank of America?  We are there! 
OK… rant over.

True love is….

getting your sandwich made exactly like you want it.
We have started a new schedule of work.  I wake up 10 minutes earlier to take a shower.  Because I am taking a shower, Eduardo finishes making our lunches.  This means that after I drop off Eduardo at his pick-up point, I can go directly to work rather than to the gym to shower.  This lets me leave work 30 minutes earlier which in turn takes 15 to 20 minutes off our daily commute.  We get home about an hour earlier than we used to when he was getting a ride in the mornings and afternoons.
It took a couple of tries of explaining how I like my sandwich made before Eduardo got the hang of it but he now makes the perfect sandwich.  This morning, I even heard him whistling as he was doing our lunches.  This is a little TOO much cheer in the morning for me but it still warmed my heart.
And that is true love in my little world.

The torture is almost over

Torture #1 – the root canal
Disaster appears to be averted.   He says that it rarely hurts him – like once a day or every other day.  We are going to consult with our dentist to see if we can get away with not dealing with the retreatment until next year.  This leaves us with the crown and his cavities.
Torture #2
Taxes.  I delved into taxes for last year.  I am miraculously receiving money back.  In fact, despite reducing my taxes paid by increasing my deductions,  I am receiving more money back than I have ever received since I started filing American tax returns.  Usually, I get 100 or 200$ back as a refund… not enough to get excited about and several years I have paid substantial amounts.  This is my lucky year and I am thankful that I am getting a little windfall.  Eduardo, on the other hand, is going to pay because he was advised to not pay federal withholding by someone.  I am not clear who that someone is – but he/she was an idiot. 
Next weekend, I am going to write out the good copy of the tax forms to send in to the IRS.  Can’t wait to get that monkey off my back.  I spent a month procrastinating on this task and as always it wasn’t nearly as onerous a task as my imagination made it out to be.  I swear, half the battle is just starting a task.  I don’t know how many times I said… I will do that later… because my mind imagined that a 5 minute task would take 30 minutes and I simply wasn’t up to it at that moment.  I need to get rid of that attitude!
Torture #3 Banning cats from the bedroom
Almost a week after deciding that we no longer wanted the cats in the bedroom, Timmie has finally decided that she no longer needs to meow all night.  We decided to ban the cats because Harmony would often get us before 6am playing with the blinds.  If it wasn’t Harmony waking us up, Timmie was waking me up by wanting to snuggle.  I am sorry but there simply isn’t enough room for Eduardo, myself and a fat cat in a double bed.   We had also decided that we wanted less cat fur where we were sleeping.  Every single night since that decision, Timmie has spend the better part of the night meowing – wanting to get back into the bedroom.  Last night was the first night that she made only a token protest at about 4:30 in the morning.  Sadly, it didn’t mean that I got any more sleep than the other 5 or 6 nights.  Eduardo decided that he needed ALL of the covers last night… multiple times.  He was restless and EVERY SINGLE TIME that he rolled over… the covers went with him.  In fact, once, he rolled over and took all the covers and squished them between his legs leaving me without a single scrap.  ARGH!!!!  Then he grumbles in his sleep when I rip them out from under him.   Jokingly, I asked him this morning if I needed to ban him from the bedroom now.  
Hopefully by April we will be moving into a period of relative calmness.  Both of us have been wanting to reclaim our weekends.  This weekend in particular seems to have went by in a blur.  Why can’t the work week go like that??

The corner is turned

Last night, things appeared to have turned for the worse.  His gums were swollen and must have been puffed out a 1/4" and looked purple, white and red.  As my mom would say, it looked angry (ie infected).  His tooth hurt really bad and it hurt to touch his face on that side.  After looking at the swollen gums, I decided to call the endodontist that I had finally found.  I made an appt for today. 
This morning, I wake up Eduardo and he says to me.  Its better honey and its not swollen.  I don’t believe him so I have to look for myself.  A picture is worth a thousand words, right?  Indeed, the gums are simply red and not swollen at all.  He had almost no pain in either of his teeth.  He says to me, "Maybe John didn’t make a mistake?"  That would be a relief wouldn’t it?
We decided to cancel the endodontist appt because there appeared to no longer be an emergency.  We would monitor it over the weekend and make a decision next week.  I called him at break and he said that he is feeling better all the time.  Whew!  I think our root canal roller coaster ride is coming to an end.
I am hoping that he ends up with no pain in either tooth.  This might let us put off the retreatment of the root canal until next year and allow us to cover some of his other work under our insurance.  Next year, we could do the retreatment and protect it with a crown.  This would be ideal.  Sadly, ideal and reality are often two different things.