Monthly Archives: February 2008

Just tired

I am tired.  It is a never ending tired that never goes
away.  I can get to bed on time and catch
my 8 hours or even sleep in a bit on the weekends but the tiredness never
leaves.  It has been with me since I got
sick in January.

As a
result, it seems that each day goes by in a blur and one day just falls into
the next.  I have to remind myself
multiple times that today is a certain day and I need to do X – whatever X
might be.  If I don’t, I might forget
that it is my day to pick up the kids or go to work or whatever it is that
needs to be done.  By the next day, I
have forgotten most of the previous day.  I definitely have to leave myself sticky notes
for work related items or I totally forget what I was doing from one day to the
next.

I haven’t
been writing much because it is hard to drag the stories out of my brain after
the fact to even write them down.  I know
that funny or silly moments have occurred but they get lost in the things I
need to remember and the rushed frustration that my life is turning out to
be.    The irony doesn’t escape me that when I bowed
out of going to church last Sunday with Kelly and the kids saying I was tired
and needed rest (which was true) that I wasn’t really going to rest.  No… in reality… the day was spent getting
stuff done in a slightly more leisurely manner than if I also went to church.  Rather than rushing around doing chores up
until 8 or 9pm, I was actually able to sit down at 7pm and know that I had
gotten the most urgent things on my to-do list done.

I am
totally preoccupied by money matters.  Groceries
always seem to be heinously expensive.  Gas
is costing us an arm and a leg.  I just
added up our latest gas bill and it is 360$ for the month.  I have to assume that the extra gas is used
for ferrying the kids.  It certainly isn’t
used for me because I go nowhere outside of a 12 mile radius except to deal
with the kids.   We still seem to be partially financing the living expenses of the other household over and above child support which is turning into another significant chunk.    We probably can’t even pay for the gas that we
charged let alone anything else.   

When I was
single, my pay cheque for my primary job paid for everything I needed and I was
able to put away a good chunk of change into my 401k.  Now that the kids are here…. both of our pay
cheques  don’t seem to be enough for all
of the little expenses that we seem to be paying for.   I have
already reduced my contribution to my 401k and it almost appears inevitable
that the only way to break even is to just give up even thinking about making
any contribution at all.   How did I go
from living comfortably on my take-home pay to going deeper and deeper into the
hole each month?

Kylie’s first word – or phrase in this case

About a week ago,  Kylie spoke her first English ‘sentence’ to me.  She grabbed my hand and said "Come on".  She wanted me to look at Timmie for the millionth time.   It took just a second for me to realize that she probably learned one of the most heard English words that comes out of my mouth.

Come on – get your coats on.
Come on- time to get out of the car.
Come on – your Papa is waiting for you.
Come on – supper is on the table.
Come on – get your boots on

Is it any wonder that she has this phrase down pat?

I also noticed that she uses OK a lot more than she used to.  Another word that I say a lot in front of the kids.  I guess it’s true.  Kids are imitators of the people around them.   I can only hope that I am providing a good example to them.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I took yesterday off work to spend some time with my honey (which is why I didn’t post yesterday).  We started the day out by going to the doctor’s office for my annual exam.  We followed that up by heading out for a late breakfast at a little diner called Roadside Diner… or is that Barnside Diner?  Lets just say its a little diner on the side of the road that looks like a barn – hence my confusion!  Side note to Mike:  didn’t taste quite the same but still yummy.  

The bad news is that I spent the afternoon doing my taxes.  The good news is that I spent the afternoon doing my taxes.  It took me forever to do the taxes but I am so glad that I did my taxes because we are receiving beaucoup bucks back from the government.  Kelly signed off on the paperwork to allow us (as the non-custodial parents) to take the deduction for the children this year.  She doesn’t need to do a tax return since she didn’t get her job until January.  I will be doing the good copy this weekend and sending it off!  Hopefully by doing it nice and early,  we will get the money nice and early.  This will definitely allow us to pay off the credit card and maybe even wipe out some other monthly obligations that we had.  Let’s do the happy dance together shall we?

Maybe that economic stimulus will actually  wipe out the rest of our extra monthly obligations and put us back on track financially.  Somehow I doubt that we will be stimulating the economy very much but you can’t please everyone.

Then I headed out to work.  Let’s just say that people were obviously not shopping but instead spending their evening with their loved ones.  Despite the sale starting on Valentine’s Day the store was dead, dead, dead.

And tonight…. I am going to cut some hearts out of construction paper and have the kids colour them for their father.  I asked if he received anything from the kids and he didn’t.  I think that is a little sad so I am going to make sure he gets something.  Now that I think about it,  I should have them do something for their mother too.

I voted!!

I am really excited to have had the opportunity to vote in a party primary.  Virginia allows you to vote in a single party primary.  You simply tell them at the poll which primary you want to vote in and they set it up for you.  I headed out to the polls this morning before work.   I thought it would be an in-and-out thing like voting for the Congress but unfortunately it wasn’t.  It actually look me 30 minutes to vote this morning which naturally meant I was a little later than expected for work *sigh*  But I exercised my right as an American and voted for a potential future presidential candidate.

I am still sick

I think that has summed up how my week went last week.  I am still sick and am very slowly on the mend.  I think I am working too many hours to really get over this cold quickly.  Thankfully, this week and next, I only have to work 52 hours.  I am taking Valentine’s Day off to spend some time with my honey and I also get President’s Day off.

We had hoped that we could spend all Valentine’s Day together until I had to go to work in the evening.  No such luck.  Kelly asked Eduardo to look after the kids while she goes on a date in the afternoon.   So… I am heading to the doctor’s office in the morning for my annual exam and after that, we are going out to a late breakfast/early lunch.  He will be heading to Kelly’s house to look after the children and I will probably try to do our taxes in the afternoon.

I am hoping that our tax return and the economic stimulus will lift us out of the temporary economic hole that we have gotten ourselves into.  Sorry Bush… but we don’t be stimulating the economy.  I would think that the average person will be using this money to catch up or purchase basic necessities like groceries or rent.  How much will this economic stimulus really stimulate the economy by encouraging new spending?  Give me $5,000 or $10,000 and I will have the money I need to spend a little.  We could buy new windows for the condo with that!  But the money that we will likely receive as a family will be the proverbial drop in the bucket in comparison to our needs.

My step-daughter

I have to admit that my step-daughter is becoming the joy of my life.  I realize that I am her surrogate mother and will never be her real mother… nor do I wish to replace Kelly in that role… but being a surrogate part-time mom is a really amazing thing.  With her actions and words, she does a wonderful job of making me feel like I am part of her family. 

I never realized how important it was for me to integrate and be a meaningful part of this blended family but I am certainly realizing it now.  Nothing upsets me faster than to have Eduardo say or do something that makes me feel excluded.  I know that some of the things he says or does is not meant to exclude me but when it makes me feel excluded anyways it is very painful.  I think I need to be less sensitive to the things he says or does but it is difficult.  Some water has already gone under the bridge and unfortunately, water doesn’t flow backwards.   But when she does something that tells me that she needs me in addition to her mother and father,  I am suddenly content and happy in my role in the family.   It doesn’t even have to be a very big action; just her asking me to snuggle with her when she is sick is satisfying.

Insert Foot A into Mouth B

Have you ever started to complain about something to somebody and realized that you were quite possibly complaining to the wrong person?

We have had to change our work schedule to accommodate Kelly’s new job.  As a result of this change,  Eduardo has to work 6 days this week.  It is a one time thing and after that he will be back to working 5 days.  The first time he complained about only getting one day off this week,  I looked at him and said, "Don’t you think you might be complaining to the wrong person?"  He looked at me strangely for a moment and I could see the realization suddenly dawning on his face.  Yes… indeed.  It is a little hard to complain about working 6 days a week to someone who does it every single week and has since the middle of December.  We shared a laugh after Eduardo realized what he was saying to me.

On Sunday,  he started to say, "I have to work 6 days this week.  This week is going to be…."  Then he turns to me and says, "I think I better just zip my mouth shut right?"  I started to laugh and said, "Yep.  Probably should!" 

Yes, honey, it sucks to be sure but since I do it every week I am having a hard time conjuring up any sympathy.  Sorry, honey.