Advice lifted from Carolyn Hax

The following resonated with me.  Sometimes I get frustrated with the way Eduardo is and think to myself… Well I will just treat him the same way I perceive he is treating me and he will see how that feels like.  But in reality,  I don’t think Eduardo is trying to be mean/rotten/thoughtless or whatever attribute I am thinking.  He is simply a different person and different things are important to him.  Rarely has my treatment of him resulted in anything other than me feeling like a bad person because the fact that I didn’t do X is simply not a big deal to him.  Of course… there are exceptions…. but maybe I shouldn’t be doing tit-for-tat except in exceptional circumstances where talking doesn’t seem to work. 

My husband, after about 10 years of marriage, gradually stopped
saying hello when I came home, kissing me goodbye, etc. For a while I
felt like, "If he won’t do this, then I won’t either, that’ll show
him." Then I realized I wanted to live in the kind of home where people
showed others these small courtesies. Can’t do much about what he
chooses to do; can do a lot about my own actions. When you make a
conscious effort to do things you want — because they are important to
you rather than because you want to manipulate the actions of somebody
else — most of the resentment just evaporates. It’s the realization
that you have choices, and you are acting freely.


One response to “Advice lifted from Carolyn Hax

  1. So right! If I man isn’t sensitive to what you upset about what’s the point! I used to do those odd games with my ex. It was tiring. And I had no respect for him anyway…I upgraded to Roy.
    My friend is getting to that point. I think she is ready to upgrade too. it’s a matter of "what about the kids?" She has a 2 yr old. the two older kids will work it out but the baby….she still needs help with becuz she has a full time job.
    We do what we got to do to be happy!

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