Where do you find an ear?

Not every marriage is perfect.  So while I wish I had someone to talk to about what is happening in my marriage,  I don’t want that person to think what an awful person my husband is.  My husband does some things which I think are deplorable but he also has many positive traits too.  This pretty much means that I can’t talk to family and friends or even blog about some of  it (Hi! Mom and Dave).   I have been talking to someone that hasn’t met him and never will.  I feel this is a compromise to my husband’s request to not mention any personal stuff to other people yet still have an ear to listen to me and maybe make suggestions on how to get past whatever is bugging me.  Unfortunately, this has resulted in me absolutely dumping crap on this one person and that is hardly fair.  I would love to talk to my husband personally to resolve issues but if you try to talk about anything that upsets him… he usually just tells me to go away and leave him alone.  Things have to hit crisis mode before he will sit down and talk about crap that is going wrong.  But crisis mode means someone is ready to walk away from the relationship.  I don’t want things to build up to the point that someone is getting ready to leave.  We should be nipping it in the bud BEFORE it gets to this point – and yet we don’t – because only one of us wants to talk about anything that is upsetting.

So where do I find this ear?

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2 responses to “Where do you find an ear?

  1. My best friend and I have an agreement where we can tell eachother whatever about our husbands, vent, etc. and we will listen, give our 2 cents, and not think less of the husband for it.  Men are humans, too!  No one is perfect! 
     
    It helps if you have someone that you trust completely.  It also helps us that our husbands have similiar personalities and we have similiar gripes.  It also helps that we will listen to the other and if she is being unreasonable I will tell her, and vise versa.
     
    If you could find someone kind of like that, where you felt safe, I think that would be a great "ear".
     
    Hugs, Jen

  2. I find myself in this position quite often. I sometimes will talk to my Mom, but reassure her several times through out the conversation that I just need an outlet and someone to vent to. I also reassure her that I love My Prince, but I don’t have anyone to really complain to about him. So that even though it may sound like I’m talking about all the negative to her that it’s not how I feel it’s just that she’s the only one I have to vent to. She says she understands but some times I just don’t know.~ FC

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