Monthly Archives: May 2010

Wowser!

What a storm we had last night!  It started out with this magnificent sheet lightening.   We went out to check it out and within minutes we were driven inside by rain and wind.  After a few minutes I started to hear this pinging on the windows and balcony.  HAIL!  So I dash outside to get the bedframe because I was afraid it might get dented.  After we got that inside I realized that my poor tomato plants could be destroyed by hail also.  Yikes… so we dashed outside and got those.  In just those few seconds, we got completely soaked.  So my bedframe is lying in the living room and my tomato plants are in the kitchen.    It was quite the excitement for 5 or 10 minutes.   Later on when I went to bed, the thunder was so loud and close that I could feel the floor to our condo shaking in response.  It has been quite some time since I have seen a storm like that in this area.

The Ugly Side

Our complex is redoing all of the piping for the centralized A/C system.  The piping has been failing with numerous leaks over the last two years.  These leaks have gradually added up to a fair amount of money so they decided to quit the repair hemorrhaging and just replace it all.  They are running the new pipe in a different spot so the ‘replacement’ only affects us when they decide to tie in the new lines to the existing piping under the buildings.   And that tie in of Phase 1 started Monday afternoon.  Monday was a reasonably cool day and night so not much impact.  Tuesday was a little more obnoxious but it cooled down at night so you could sorta, kinda sleep.  And last night was seriously the last straw.  It was hot.  It was humid.  The kids couldn’t sleep without a fan and I was getting hot and sweaty waiting for the kids to fall asleep (we only own 1 fan).  I seriously wanted to walk into that room and say… It is not my fault you can’t fall asleep quickly and rip that fan right out of the bedroom and let them suffer.  Instead, I resisted my ugly side and went out on the balcony and called a friend.

If I am left alone, I can handle hot and humid weather without too much muss and fuss but the slightest little rock in the boat (and believe me it doesn’t take much) and my ugly side comes out and it is not pretty.  I am grumpy, grouchy and completely unreasonable.

I am happy to report that I got up at 5am this morning to test the A/C and it was back on!  I closed all the windows and doors and went back to bed.  Other than the fact that I am incredibly tired from not sleeping well these last couple of nights… I feel like the ugly side has slunk away.

This is taking how long?

I have decided that I am going to redo my bedroom after Eduardo leaves.   This is the one room of my house that was not particularly decorated by me but by other people.  I need to get those other people out of my bedroom and start fresh.

So… the bedroom was painted chocolate brown(lower) and grey(upper) with a border of deer in the middle.   The ceiling is painted grey and the very expensive blinds that I bought are chocolate brown.  I am not repainting that ceiling – it was a bitch the first time.  I am not ditching the very expensive blinds.  Those two decisions mean that I will be sticking with the brown and grey colour scheme.  But can I make it look like a complete overhaul despite that?  I believe that I can.  The wall paper is going to be stripped off (1/3 done already).  The lower part of two walls are already repainted grey.  The upper part of the two remaining walls need to be painted chocolate brown.  I will be painting a geometric design on the chocolate brown walls in pink, mint green and lavender.   I will be rearranging the furniture as I never really liked the current layout.

And my current project is the bed…. Eduardo and I gave away the bed I owned before I met him to Kelly.  We then bought a very nice mattress and box spring.  But that mattress is only on a frame with little wheels and has no headboard or footboard.  Those little wheels drive me nuts as it makes the bed move marginally even on the carpet.  I was all prepared to purchase a new bed frame for the mattress when I looked at a Youtube video about plastic garbage.   I decided to try to find a second-hand bed instead.  If I didn’t find one in in the 45 days left before Eduardo left then I would purchase a new one.   Well… I found a nice metal bedframe that is reasonably unique on Craigslist.  I borrowed a friend’s truck on Friday and spent the whole evening going to get it, unload it and return my friend’s truck.  I was completely beat at the end of the night.  Saturday… I ignored it.  Sunday, I sanded it down and primed it.  One can of spray paint is now waiting to be disposed of.  On Monday,  I painted the first coat.  The paint itself is free as I am using the leftover grey trim paint to paint it.  Yesterday, I painted the second coat and then spray painted the side boards with a clear coat to protect the paint from chipping.   It was so incredibly annoying to paint it last night because the paint was drying as fast as I could put the paint on.  Definitely made it difficult to try to do a good job.  One sponge paint brush hit the garbage can.  I will be spray painting the clear coat on the footboard tonight and tomorrow will be the headboard.  I suspect another spray can will hit the disposal pile.  It is boggling my mind that it has basically taken a week for me to get a bedframe ready for my bed.  And this doesn’t even include repainting the 2 end tables that came with it.  I am leaving that for another day.

So, in terms of waste… was a sponge paint brush and 2 spray cans of paint better than the production cost and packaging of a new bed?  I can tell you it was cheaper on the pocketbook to the tune of about 100$ and I got two end tables thrown in.   In terms of my time?  Ate up whole bunches more.    

I am not THAT generous

A friend of mine has always said that I have a generous heart and that it will continue to get me in trouble in relationships.  I have always replied that there are worse character flaws to have.  Yesterday, I found out where my generosity ends….

An aside:

I am going to try to keep most of the details of our break-up out of this space.  But let me paint a broad picture of where it went wrong for me..  it went wrong on Dec 6 2007 – the day Kelly and the kids arrived.  On that day,  I was relegated in priority behind his first family.  I have numerous examples of  how I felt that they were far more important than me but I will give just one example.  On the day I got my breast biopsy, I suggested that Eduardo go to Kelly’s (while she worked) to look after Kylie.  I did not actually have a day off work but was going to have to deal with taking care of the biopsy site and working a full day from home.  I knew that if Eduardo and Kylie also stayed in the house that I would also have to look after Kylie.   That was just the way it was in our house and I knew I couldn’t handle it.  I asked him to make sure that he kept his cell phone in a place where it got signal in case something went wrong and I needed him.   I expected him home around 3ish after Kelly got home.  Around 4:30,  the biopsy spot started really hurting so I called Eduardo concerned.  He never answered his phone.  When I asked him why he didn’t keep to our agreement he said it was because he didn’t want to come home if I called – the implication being that he didn’t want to end his fun time with Kelly and the kids.  And then he blamed me for him not being there.  If I hadn’t of asked him to take care of Kylie elsewhere, he would have been there for me.  But without fail, he was there for Kelly for everything.  I can’t think of a single time he was not available including changing our Valentine Day plans one year so he could babysit the children while she went out on a date.  I was fed-up with feeling like the second wife and getting ready to leave.

Before I got a chance to sit down and discuss this with him, he sat down with me.  He told me that he no longer wanted to be with me.  He said, "I can look after/protect my children better if I am not with you.  I am moving in with Kelly."  I have to say that I wasn’t surprised that he would want to move in with Kelly.  I was rather surprised by the fact the he thought he could do it better without me.  It sure hasn’t seemed like they could do it without me for the past 2.5 years and they are still apparently depending on me to continue helping them.

Which brings us to yesterday and finding out the limits of my generous heart….

Tuesday night, Eduardo said that they had been out looking for a place for them to live together.  They were looking at a house for rent and he asked me to call the realtor and find out information about it and set up an appointment if X conditions were set.  Because you know… the realtor didn’t speak Spanish and he didn’t like to speak English on the phone.  I agreed….

But Wednesday, I discovered how much it actually upset me to do that.   I am sorry but I will not be helping them set up house together.   And thinking back on it… who in their right mind asks the wife they are leaving to help him find a place to rent with his new family?   Seriously, if you can do it better without me… then by all means… DO IT WITHOUT ME!  I have no idea if he will need any more help but he will have to survive without it.  I am not THAT generous in spirit.

Making the rounds with Oscar

"Making the rounds with Oscar" is the latest audio book that I have finished.  It is about the effects of end-stage dementia on family and a nursing home cat that helped patients and family deal with the end when it came.   My grandmother has end-stage dementia so this book had a personal note associated with it.  But is also seems to have had another personal note associated with it.

It never, ever occurred to me that I would meet death alone.  I always assumed that I would have a loved one – a spouse probably – by my side.  But as I end my relationship with Eduardo I realize that I have a real probability of being one of those patients in a nursing home that nobody visits.   My dream of family has just flown the coop.  Not that family is any guarantee that you will have someone to look after you when you die but it sure raises the probability of it.

There are some things that I am not going to miss about the relationship but most of those things are centered around my husband and not the kids.  I think that some of my problems with motherhood were brought about because I was so angry with the way I was being treated by Eduardo and Kelly that I felt resentful of the things I was asked to do on behalf of the kids.  If you remove that anger from the equation, I think I was pretty happy as a mother.  And now?  I am not going to be a mother and it makes me sad.   Every day, I tell myself that I was lucky to have been able to be a mother even for such a short time because I have friends that haven’t had children and have felt that loss of never being a mother.  I AM lucky!  I experienced motherhood.

Another green step

I have finally taken the plunge and bought reusable sanitary napkins.  I have heard repeatedly that this will be a cost savings.

I have a very light period that requires very little protection so I purchased 10 panty liners which should get me through from start to finish.   Cost: 40$ from Esty.
I did not purchase the cheapest option but it was pretty darned close to the bottom in terms of price. 

So AFTER making my purchase, I decided to perform a cost analysis.  Hmm… clearly those savings must be for women that use significantly more disposable product than I do.  It is going to take me about 3 (going on 4) years to use up 40$ worth of disposable product. 

There are many times that I simply haven’t seen the cost savings that I expected based on what I had heard being bandied about.

The ABCs of me

I got this over at Nadine’s but the original linky list of everyone is here:  Housewives of Oklahoma

A – Age: shockingly I am 42.  I lost a year somewhere and didn’t realize I was turning 42 until my Mom insisted that I re-add those years since birth.  Thanks Mom!

B – Bed size: Queen.  This leaves plenty of space for me, my body pillow and 2 cats.

C – Chore you hate: All of them?  Do I really have to narrow it down to just one?  Ok… Why can’t a man hit the toilet bowl?  Now you know what I hate to clean the most.

D – Dog(s’) name: I don’t have a dog.  My last dog’s name was Luca.  She was named after a Suzanne Vega song that my ex-husband and I liked.  I have two cats called Timmie and Harmony.  Long story behind their names that I won’t go into.

E – Essential start your day item: Shower.  Don’t even talk to me if I haven’t had a shower

F – Favorite color: Purple and Orange.  And no… not narrowing that down to one.

G – Gold or Silver or Platinum: Gold with pretty emeralds or amythests please.

H – Height: 5ft 6 inches

I – Instruments you play(ed): recorder in public school and the drums in middle school

J – Job title: Sr. Project Engineer

K – Kid(s): 2 step-children – a boy and a girl

L – Living arrangements: currently separating

M – Mom’s name: Teresa – Hey… I have my own Mother Teresa.

N – Nicknames: At this moment in time?  None.  I used to be called Grubsy by my Dad when I was growing up.  My grandfather called me Andy or Andy Pandy after a child in a British series. 

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth:  I haven’t even stayed overnight for a birth  as an adult.

P
– Pet Peeve: That people feel it is necessary to game you.  Whatever happened to straight-forward and direct?

Q – Quote
from a movie/show: My memory sucks so I have none.  How about a Bible quote that has gotten me through many a tough time?  Romans 5: 3-4 "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  Man.. have I got character!  I am usually pretty optimistic too!

R – Right handed or left handed: Right handed except to play the guitar – and no I don’t play but I tried to learn.

S – Siblings: One brother, 2 step-brothers and a step-sister.  I only grew up with the brother.  I acquired the steps when I was a teenager.

T – Time you wake up: Depends completely on the cats but around 6:30 is about right for them.  When will they learn that Saturday and Sunday is part of what humans call the weekend and they can let me sleep in?

U-
Underwear:  Right now I wear completely practical underwear. It is called being very overweight

V –
Vegetable you dislike:  hmmm…. can’t think of any.  Give me suggestions?

W – Why you run late:  I am so phobic about being late that I am usually early.

X – X-rays you’ve had: shoulder, shoulder, shoulder… see a pattern? oh wait… naturally my twice yearly mammograms .  My breasts were so special that I used to go through that pain twice a year so someone could look at them.   Thankfully that stopped this year.  My breasts are now ordinary.

Y – Yummy food you make: Lasagna, mac & cheese and burgers.  I think I make lots of yummy stuff but those are the things that other ppl comment on with regularity.

Z – Zoo favorite: What is it about favourites?  I can never pick favourites.  How about giraffes?  What if I told you that I prefer aquariums? What? you want a favourite marine animal?  Sheesh…