I am not THAT generous

A friend of mine has always said that I have a generous heart and that it will continue to get me in trouble in relationships.  I have always replied that there are worse character flaws to have.  Yesterday, I found out where my generosity ends….

An aside:

I am going to try to keep most of the details of our break-up out of this space.  But let me paint a broad picture of where it went wrong for me..  it went wrong on Dec 6 2007 – the day Kelly and the kids arrived.  On that day,  I was relegated in priority behind his first family.  I have numerous examples of  how I felt that they were far more important than me but I will give just one example.  On the day I got my breast biopsy, I suggested that Eduardo go to Kelly’s (while she worked) to look after Kylie.  I did not actually have a day off work but was going to have to deal with taking care of the biopsy site and working a full day from home.  I knew that if Eduardo and Kylie also stayed in the house that I would also have to look after Kylie.   That was just the way it was in our house and I knew I couldn’t handle it.  I asked him to make sure that he kept his cell phone in a place where it got signal in case something went wrong and I needed him.   I expected him home around 3ish after Kelly got home.  Around 4:30,  the biopsy spot started really hurting so I called Eduardo concerned.  He never answered his phone.  When I asked him why he didn’t keep to our agreement he said it was because he didn’t want to come home if I called – the implication being that he didn’t want to end his fun time with Kelly and the kids.  And then he blamed me for him not being there.  If I hadn’t of asked him to take care of Kylie elsewhere, he would have been there for me.  But without fail, he was there for Kelly for everything.  I can’t think of a single time he was not available including changing our Valentine Day plans one year so he could babysit the children while she went out on a date.  I was fed-up with feeling like the second wife and getting ready to leave.

Before I got a chance to sit down and discuss this with him, he sat down with me.  He told me that he no longer wanted to be with me.  He said, "I can look after/protect my children better if I am not with you.  I am moving in with Kelly."  I have to say that I wasn’t surprised that he would want to move in with Kelly.  I was rather surprised by the fact the he thought he could do it better without me.  It sure hasn’t seemed like they could do it without me for the past 2.5 years and they are still apparently depending on me to continue helping them.

Which brings us to yesterday and finding out the limits of my generous heart….

Tuesday night, Eduardo said that they had been out looking for a place for them to live together.  They were looking at a house for rent and he asked me to call the realtor and find out information about it and set up an appointment if X conditions were set.  Because you know… the realtor didn’t speak Spanish and he didn’t like to speak English on the phone.  I agreed….

But Wednesday, I discovered how much it actually upset me to do that.   I am sorry but I will not be helping them set up house together.   And thinking back on it… who in their right mind asks the wife they are leaving to help him find a place to rent with his new family?   Seriously, if you can do it better without me… then by all means… DO IT WITHOUT ME!  I have no idea if he will need any more help but he will have to survive without it.  I am not THAT generous in spirit.

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One response to “I am not THAT generous

  1. Oh hon. 😦 I wish I was there to give you a hug. I am sorry things turned out this way.Hugs, Jen

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