And the answers are?

The kids major concern was that I would forget them.  As if.  The only way I am going to forget the kids is if I am struck with Alzheimer’s.  Piero, in particular, wanted to discuss how we were going to continue to remember each other.   We talked about different ways we could remember each other when we weren’t around each other.   The kids wanted reassurance from their father that we would be able to continue seeing each other.  He said yes but I also know that he will say whatever is easiest for the situation(even if it is a lie) and saying "Yes" is far easier than explaining how we won’t see each other.

I felt really bad for Piero.  He told me that he wished he could go back in time to fix things.  Honestly, I don’t think there was any fixing to be had in our relationship.  As soon as they showed up in the area, our relationship was doomed.  I just wish I could have figured that out earlier and not spent so much time trying to save it.  I couldn’t possibly compete against Kelly.  She outranked me in ways that I simply couldn’t surpass starting with the fact that she was the mother of his children.  And if we went back in time with foreknowledge,  I simply wouldn’t have married Eduardo.  If I could erase the last 4 years of my life by simply deciding to not have a relationship with him.  I would.  I wouldn’t have met the children and my life would be poorer for it but I also wouldn’t have had to have dealt with the last 4 years and I sure wouldn’t have to deal with having the children ripped out of my life.  Although I was thinking all of that, I instead had a conversation with Piero about how it can be fun to think about what-ifs but you need to accept the path you find yourself on.  Sure… parts of it might suck… but there are parts of it that are great and if we had a do-over and different decisions were made then those great parts might not exist in the do-over.  What you do for the sake of your children – even if they aren’t really your children.

I have made arrangements with Eduardo to see the children this Sunday.  He is going to drop them off at church in the morning.  We will attend church together and then I will take them home to go swimming in the pool.   After that, I will drop the kids off at Kelly’s house.  I hope this reassures the kids that they will continue to see me.  And I hope they will continue to see me.  Eduardo’s ambivalence about this visit makes me wonder if they will go to any effort to ensure our relationship will continue.


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