I met Gil when I started working at my current position. We got along great as co-workers and I rather randomly kept in touch with him after he left. I didn’t talk to him too much because his girlfriend was very possessive and I didn’t want our friendship to cause any problems.
I found out that Gil and his girlfriend separated right after it all ended with Eduardo. I invited him to go see a movie a couple of times but nothing ever came of it and I still kept in touch with him sporadically. Last Sunday, after not speaking to him for a month? 2 months? I called him up to find out what was going on in his life and we talked for like 2 or 3 hours. During this phone call, he made it clear that he would like to see me and he was interested in turning the friendship into more. Initially, I wasn’t sure about that but he said several things that made me think that he had changed over the last couple of years and that perhaps we were more suitable than I thought we would be. Anyways, I agreed to see him on Tuesday after work.
So Tuesday at 7ish rolled around and no Gil was at my doorstep. 8ish rolled around and I finally ate because I was hungry. At 8:15 he called me to say that a breakfast was arranged at work for the following morning so had to go grocery shopping. Now that he was finished that, he wasn’t going back out. He was sorry but we wouldn’t be seeing each other after all. I was disappointed and completely thrown off my game by this announcement. We continued talking a bit more and he ended the phone call by saying he would call back in a few minutes. This is now the following Monday and I still haven’t heard from him. I tried calling on Thursday to see what was up but went to VM. I didn’t bother to leave a message.
Being treated like this by a friend has completely thrown me for the last week. I have put up with being ignored, being logged off in the middle of an IM and having an email conversation suddenly end when I suggest meeting. These are complete strangers so what do I care if they are rude. I have nothing invested in that relationship except for a couple of hours of my time. But to have a friend blow me off? That just isn’t what you expect a friend to do. I guess if friends do that…. you have to expect dating to be fraught with rudeness and lack of consideration. Which it has been but that is another post.
I have had a couple of people comment that I need to separate myself from my ex and the kids in order to move on. The latest came in a comment from Patti on my last post. So I have to wonder…… have I or have I not moved on?
After Eduardo left, he talked about coming back. I wasn’t convinced that I even wanted to have another go at the relationship but I said I might consider it IF he went to counseling and he gave up Kelly. Friendship of any kind with Kelly would be out of the question. I left it very much up in the air because I just wasn’t certain that I would even want to try again even IF he met those conditions.
And as time goes on, I don’t see myself returning to the relationship. The longer he goes without acknowledging that what he and Kelly did was wrong, the less I am interested in being with him. Combine that with other not-so-pleasant characteristics and I feel that this is not the kind of guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And if that wasn’t enough, I have discovered that I don’t miss him. I am very rarely lonely and when I am lonely, I am not missing him. It is a missing of a close relationship with another person than actually missing Eduardo.
I am not sad about the end of the relationship. My main feeling is relief and anger. I am angry that I wasted my last years of potential fertility on a relationship that went nowhere. I am angry about how I was treated. I am very angry at Kelly and it is all I can do to be civil to her for the sake of the kids. I am relieved that I no longer have to deal with Eduardo and the turmoil of the marriage.
I am sad that I might not have the house with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids and a cat and dog. The possibility of having my own child is dropping exponentially. I suppose adoption is a possibility and I could always marry a man with children. But will I have the same success with his children that I had with Piero and Kylie? Will those children come to love me or would they be a strain on the marriage? Any sadness I have from the end of the relationship is all wrapped up in my perception that some of my dreams may never come true. Those dreams might have ended with the end of my marriage. That makes me sad.
So have I moved on?
This weekend, the kids wanted me to see the Christmas tree that the family had put up. This wasn’t really on my list of things to do so I told the kids I would see it some other time. When Eduardo and I were out of earshot of the kids, I told Eduardo that I was not interested in coming into the house until at least after Christmas. I said it nicely and gave no explanation why. He immediately shot back with some anger… What? I can’t put up a Christmas tree and get on with my life? Unfortunately, I also responded in anger and said that he had the family and I was left with nothing so I didn’t think it was unreasonable to think I might be a little sad about that and not want to be continually reminded of that fact. He simply stared at me angrily and I stared back angrily. I am sure we were angry for different reasons. Hard to believe but I was actually a bit surprised at his lack of sensitivity. Or maybe I shouldn’t be. This isn’t the first time he has reacted in anger when I expressed my feelings (sadness or anger) about how things have turned out. What person wouldn’t get upset to have their spouse leave you to go live with someone else?