I have had a couple of people comment that I need to separate myself from my ex and the kids in order to move on. The latest came in a comment from Patti on my last post. So I have to wonder…… have I or have I not moved on?
After Eduardo left, he talked about coming back. I wasn’t convinced that I even wanted to have another go at the relationship but I said I might consider it IF he went to counseling and he gave up Kelly. Friendship of any kind with Kelly would be out of the question. I left it very much up in the air because I just wasn’t certain that I would even want to try again even IF he met those conditions.
And as time goes on, I don’t see myself returning to the relationship. The longer he goes without acknowledging that what he and Kelly did was wrong, the less I am interested in being with him. Combine that with other not-so-pleasant characteristics and I feel that this is not the kind of guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And if that wasn’t enough, I have discovered that I don’t miss him. I am very rarely lonely and when I am lonely, I am not missing him. It is a missing of a close relationship with another person than actually missing Eduardo.
I am not sad about the end of the relationship. My main feeling is relief and anger. I am angry that I wasted my last years of potential fertility on a relationship that went nowhere. I am angry about how I was treated. I am very angry at Kelly and it is all I can do to be civil to her for the sake of the kids. I am relieved that I no longer have to deal with Eduardo and the turmoil of the marriage.
I am sad that I might not have the house with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids and a cat and dog. The possibility of having my own child is dropping exponentially. I suppose adoption is a possibility and I could always marry a man with children. But will I have the same success with his children that I had with Piero and Kylie? Will those children come to love me or would they be a strain on the marriage? Any sadness I have from the end of the relationship is all wrapped up in my perception that some of my dreams may never come true. Those dreams might have ended with the end of my marriage. That makes me sad.
So have I moved on?