I have been slowly trying to purge things from my condo. I am a major packrat when it comes to sentimental and potentially useful things. Stashed away in a cupboard were some old VHS tapes. Most of them had just been used to record TV shows back in the day. Two of them had video from my first wedding and one was made by an old boyfriend. I looked at the ones from my wedding and managed to boot them out the door. I was feeling pretty proud of myself.
And then I looked at the one that my old boyfriend had made for me. We had a long distance relationship. At this point, I had never met him and had only seen pictures of him and talked to him on the phone. The tape was of him spending Christmas with his family as well as some footage of himself when he called me. I was struck by his hope that I would like the tape and also like what I saw of him. He didn’t sound insecure… just that he wanted me to enjoy what he was doing for me. How long has it been since someone cared like that about me?
Ultimately, I couldn’t part with this piece of my past and I stashed the tape back into the cupboard. I can’t say that the tape made me sad about that relationship. It was so long ago and I only remember bits and pieces of that relationship. I think it made me a bit lonely and wishing for a relationship with someone that cared and thought I was important to them. Doesn’t everybody want to be important to someone?