Just in case anyone cares to be updated… No date. I never heard from the guy and he is struck from the list. He went on and on about how he was sexy. I wonder if he thought that gave him a pass on courtesy.
So… someone else approached me via IM. I missed his initial IM but after reading over his profile decided to write an email indicating that I was sorry I had missed his IM and discussing a couple of things in his profile. He logged in within a few minutes and we started chatting. We made arrangements to meet on Saturday night to chat some more. He never showed. On Sunday, he apologized for not showing up. I responded back saying a heads up would have been nice so I could have accepted other plans from a friend. In this instance, I decided to give him a pass because it might not have been easy to give me a heads up using the only communication method we have at this point. The other guy could have texted me which takes seconds. This guy would have had to login to OKCupid and send an email. We chatted some more and have made arrangements to talk either tonight or Tuesday. I shall see how it goes.
At this point, the big negative is that he is 28 – more than a decade younger than me. Does this mean that he is at a completely different point in his life and no long term relationship is possible? At any rate, he sounded mature in his profile and sounds reasonably mature in chat. And sounding reasonably mature in chat is more difficult than it would seem. I haven’t told this story so let me give you an example of what a man in his 30s said to me in our very first chat together last week….
Him: Why don’t we watch the final game together. Isn’t it on the weekend?
Me: Unfortunately, I have already made plans to see it with someone.
Him: Who? Another man? You are such a player….
Whoa!!! Backup dude….
In comparison, this 28 year old sounds positively sane and has managed to carry on two completely normal chat conversations with me.
As a side note, I saw the game with Eduardo and the kids. Hardly a date…
Last Friday, I IMed a guy on OKCupid. We talked for a couple of minutes and then he said he had to go. I popped on and off OKCupid but never saw him again. On Tuesday night, I got an email from him asking me where I was. We did some emailing and IMing texting on Wednesday. We had originally decided that we would try to find some place to watch the Copa America game. Later in the day, he said he was feeling sick and I told him I would understand if he had to cancel. He never said one way or another if it was a go or not but I had to assume by 8pm when I hadn’t heard from him that it wasn’t a go. I am not sure whether or not this should bother me. Personally, I think he should have informed me one way or the other on what his plans were. If you haven’t started a relationship… is less consideration expected?
The next morning there was no apologies from him although he implied that he went to bed early. He then asks me when we can hang out via text. I tell him that I work on Thursday, friday nights and Saturday day so my next free time is Sat night. I also suggested that we talk on the phone after work or he could meet me at Starbucks near my job. And then… because I do think consideration is expected… I texted him saying I would be in meetings all afternoon and not to expect a response back after 11am (this was at 9am so plenty of time to still text). And then I never heard from him. Not even a comment to say that schedule didn’t work for him. And again I think to myself… is this indicative of something that I should be avoiding or the way things work these days.
On Friday, Eduardo came over to finish up the last item I needed in the kitchen – my GFCI outlet on my long counter. Long ago, it appears that there never used to be cabinetry in that area. I think there was just a countertop there. So on the bottom of the wall is an outlet which is behind the installed cabinets and not accessible for every day use. The previous owners installed a new outlet on top of the counter but did it illegally. They took a long wire, attached a plug to one end which they plugged into the socket, cut a notch out of the backsplash of the countertop and wired the other end into an outlet kit that gets attached to the wall. It is completely illegal to wire an outlet kit on the outside of the wall.
As part of the kitchen renovation, I wanted to correct this illegal wiring. My step-father cut a piece out of the cabinet back to expose the outlet and then installed the cabinets. I awaited an opening in Eduardo’s schedule. So we discuss where we are going to install the outlet and we work on marking out the hole and cutting it. This actually required discussion because of the electrical panel and telephone outlet in the wall above the countertop. We wanted to avoid any wires leading to these – in particular the main electrical feed into the condo. We make our hole and what do we run into? The freaking main feed wire of the control panel. They had run it up the next stud and then across the wall to the panel. ARGH!!! We discuss a variety of ways of making the original hole work but the location of the wire makes it impossible. With the hole in the wall, it is now possible to feel what was and wasn’t in the wall so we make another hole some 3 inches to the right. It takes about 10 seconds to string the wire from the original outlet (way faster than the previous outlet we moved) and then I install the box while he works on splicing the wires in the original junction box. He then installs the GFCI and we look over the instructions on how to test it. Once we determine that it is working, we then put the junction box cover on the original junction box (this was an absolute pain and took the two of us).
So why am I laying this out in some detail? There is actually a point to all this. How can it be that we can work for 2 hours together in complete harmony making decisions then mistakes, correcting mistakes and taking turns working on something that needed two people and be completely incapable of of being able to discuss a single personal problem that cropped up in our relationship. In fact, it was far harder to do the initial electrical work for the kitchen than this was and we still managed to do it (with problems, setbacks and mistakes) in complete harmony. So why is it that we can’t discuss a single problem in our relationship without it devolving into a completely frustrating experience that has one of us (and maybe both of us) wishing they had never met the other? Kelly aside, I had always felt that this was one of the number one failures of our relationship. Nothing every got resolved because we were incapable of having a fruitful discussion on any problem that cropped up.
It makes no sense but there it is….
The girl who mentioned OkCupid at work came back into the store to buy some more material for her Scrabble pillows. Along with her came George – the guy she met on OkCupid. I talked with them for a while about a variety of different topics but one thing I found out was that George had been on OkCupid for about a year and had basically given up on finding anyone. He was more or less idling until the girl (Funny – I know George’s name and not hers) contacted him. So he advised me to keep my profile active even if I wasn’t actively contacting anyone.
And what is up with this guy that I emailed continually looking at my profile but not contacting me back? If you didn’t like me the first few times, I can’t imagine what would cause you to change your mind. I haven’t changed in the intervening hours. I am still me.
Every now and again, Harmony would carry this knotted rope toy, while meowing pitifully, into the bedroom and drop it at the door. Hardly helpful when I am in bed. I always wondered what she was trying to accomplish.
Today, she walked through the living room, while meowing pitifully of course, with a little sponge soccer ball in her mouth. This is her favourite ball toy in the house. She walked right up to me and dropped it. I think that she is learning how to play fetch from Frankie. It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
One of the features of OkCupid is that you can IM someone. I picked someone to look at and realized that they were online. I decided that this person would be the person I would attempt to connect to that day. I felt silly emailing this person when they were currently online so I decided to approach them via IM. (I think this is an option in Match although I never used it). I sent three messages along this line:
Me: I felt rather silly emailing you when you were online so I decided to instant message you instead.
(a pause then)
I found your profile interesting and I like to try out new restaurants too. (maybe too lame? I was a bit thrown by the lack of response. Not even a Hi?)
(a longer pause then)
Well, I am off to watch Argentina kill Colombia (I hope) in Copa America. If my profile interests you, drop me a line.
I knew he was active and online because he looked at my profile right after I brought his up. I started the IM about 5 to 10 minutes later. He also looked at my profile about an hour after the conversation. So the guy was not idling through the conversation. But wow… not even to acknowledge that I spoke to him. That is cold.
A customer at work told me about OkCupid so I decided to look into it. It has been 6 months since I have last dated other than that first date at Starbucks last month. Once again, I am feeling the urge to connect with someone.
OkCupid is free so I have decided to give it a shot. Will it give me better results than Match.com? I sure hope so but the beginning isn’t looking very promising.
I have decided to contact one person per day until I connect or give up. I was curious about comparing it Match.com so I am keeping track of who I contact and whether or not they contact me back.