I can sum up my dating with John by saying that I took him back again and it was even worse than before. He blew off three dates and was late (or left early) for the other two. We lasted a week and I asked him to leave again.
But that isn’t really the twist and turn although it was interesting. The twist and turn is Eduardo. When he found out I was dating John, he revealed to me that he still loved me and wanted to get back together with me. He had talked about reconciliation before but always dropped it. The latest has been in June. But in June, I had decided that I was no longer interested (if I ever was before) in reconciliation. It was a funny thing that had decided it for me…. He gave me a passionate kiss and I realized there was absolutely no spark. To me, that meant that resurrecting the relationship would just be too hard. And I wasn’t prepared to work that hard.
Unlike the other times where he broached the topic and then dropped it, he was persistent to the point of scaring me a little bit this time. During this time, he denied me access to the kids. He felt that if I didn’t want to give him a second chance then I was not the kind of person he wanted his kids around. He had some logic in there that appeared to be valid for him but I am at a loss to explain it. I still have difficulty with what he did with the kids because although I was given access back to the kids, supposedly the kids no longer want to see me now. I have to assume it is because of all the emotional crap that went on around them during this time.
But eventually, I caved and told him I would go out on a couple of dates and see if some spark could develop. We went out on a few dates and it seemed like something might develop. Although I was feeling all warm and fuzzy and toward him, I didn’t have that deeper spark that meant a more intimate connection was desired. And then a couple of things happened that did not show Eduardo in a positive light. In fact, it completely killed most of my feelings for him including friendship.
Eduardo still wants to get back together but I am struggling even harder with my feelings for him. I don’t feel those deeper feelings for him. I want to try to build our friendship back up but his feelings for me are getting in the way. I treat him as a friend and he feels that I am treating him disrespectfully. But the ways in which he wants me to be treating him are not how I treat friends but how I treat that someone special in my life. And he is not that person for me. Actually, nobody is at this point.
The other big problem is that I don’t trust him. After all the lying and deceitfulness that went on during my marriage, there is no trust left. Even when I thought we were friends over the last year? I just simply assumed he was lying to me. No idea if he was or not, I just assumed he was. He says he has stopped lying and has said and done things that seem to back up his statement but I am finding it very difficult to trust him.
And of course lets not even discuss what my friends and family think of him.
So… that is what is doing on in my love life…